Female coworker: So, did you get laid last night?
Male coworker: No, the cleaning crew came in before we could.
Female coworker: Pity. I came in this morning sniffing around for the smell of pussy and latex.
Western Avenue
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: the sugar monster
Coworker #1: You know how when you’re dating a girl and you find out she has morals…
Coworker #2: Yeah, you give it three dates and then you lose her number.
Monterey, California
Overheard by: Horrified
Co-worker #1: Would it be wrong if we left to get breakfast?
Co-worker #2: Why would it be wrong?
Co-worker #1: Well, it’s only 9 o’clock.
Co-worker #2: So?
Co-worker #1: I don’t know. It seems like maybe we should wait a little bit.
Co-worker #2: No way! I’ve been here since 8:30. I’ve worked enough.
Co-worker #1: All right. Let’s go, then.
Co-worker #2: Hold on. I just painted my nails. Takes forever to dry.
350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Exec #1: …Yeah, anybody can own a Louis Vuitton nowadays. You know someone really has money when they can control other people’s time.
Exec #2: Totally.
1212 6th Avenue
New York, NY
(long past June)
Receptionist: I haven't opened all my Christmas gifts yet. I just haven't had time.
Washington Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Suit #1: I called Jim* about that question we had concerning the asset and stock consistency regs’ application to foreign target affiliates.
Suit #2: Yeah? What did he say?
Suit #1: Well, apparently he had a heart attack last week and passed away. I haven’t heard back from him.
Washington, DC
Worker #1: I wish I lived in a time where we could call women what they really are.
Worker #2: What should we call them?
Worker #1: Whores.
Herndon, Virginia
Employee: I ordered 2448 washers today! What did you get done?
Boss: I took a big shit this morning.
Philadelphia, PA
Associate to customer on phone about beef recall: We are only recalling meat with the dates April 28th through June 6th on it.
Customer: Well, mine is dated June 23rd. Can I eat it?
Associate: Yes, ma'am. That's not in our recall dates.
Customer: Are you sure it's safe?
Associate: Yes ma'am. That meat wasn't part of the recall.
Customer: What were the dates again?
Associate: April 28th to June 6th.
Customer: So, I won't die?
Associate: Ma'am, unless you plan on smearing it on a pig and eating it raw, you are going to be fine.
Yarmouth, Maine
Coworker #1: So, if I bought a bottle of vodka…
Coworker #2: It's 9:25 am.
Manhattan, New York
