Professor: Yeah, my daughter’s having a slumber party tonight. She invited eight girls, but one of them can’t come because she’s a Jew.
Grad student: Oh…
Professor: I mean, because there’s a Jewish holiday this weekend she has to observe.
Grad student: Oh, okay. Not because you don’t allow them in your home…
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Senior administrator: Speaking of birth control, how is your daughter?
Professor: Knocked up.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Adviser: Okay, is everyone here? Great. So, John*, why don't you tell us what you've worked on this week?
John: Well, I did…
Adviser, interrupting: Actually, John, I'm just going to hummer you for a minute while I show them the data.
Female grad student: Um, what?
Adviser: I'm going to hummer him and just show everyone this, you know, like run over him like a big fucking car.
Female grad student: Uh, okay, but you can't say that.
Adviser: What? Why?
Female grad student: I'll tell you after lab meeting.
Adviser, angrily: What is so bad about saying that? Is it like mean or something to “hummer” someone?
Female grad student: Well it's not mean, it's just… Yeah, don't say that. Ever. We'll talk later.
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Student: Crap, I don’t know how to start.
Teacher: I can’t help you.
Student: Why not?
Teacher: If I knew this kind of crap do you think I’d be working at this ghetto school?
1133 Mission
Oceanside, California
Old professor: My computer is so old! At least three people had it before me. Everything I write gets attributed to some secretary who left years ago. (pause) Maybe it's not a bad thing, considering the quality of what I write…
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: the IT guy
Sunday school teacher: How’s that new little kitten of yours?
Priest: She’s doing well. We’re taking her over to the vet tomorrow to be spayed.
Child #1: What’s spayed?
Child #2: That’s when they take off her overalls so she can’t have babies.
Joliet, Montana
Teacher: …yeah, they outnumber us thirty to one and we’re not allowed to carry stun guns.
6307 Orchard Beach Road
Cheboygan, Michigan
Professor: Girls, you have got to stop humping!
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Loud educator to others: Why does everything I touch get hard?
Doylestown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: G-wiz
Student teaching CPR: They're unconscious. They won't know what's going on, so it's all good.
Leesburg, Virginia
