Student teacher: So, what is your school’s policy concerning sodas? Am I allowed to bring them as long as they are in an unmarked container?
Teacher: Yes, most definitely. Some of the other schools in the area have taken out their drink machines for teachers, but our principal’s a Coke addict.
4858 Lead Mine Road
Snowville, Virginia
Receptionist: Ooh! I like your boots!
Teaching assistant: Thanks! I actually have legs now!
Receptionist: You have great legs!
Passing teacher: She's never had legs before.
Bexhill College
England
Student handing back professor evaluation: Sorry about the goo — it’s just from when my computer oozes, you know–
TA: –Your computer oozes? That doesn’t sound like a good thing…
Student: No, it only oozes when it’s hot!
1156 High Street
Santa Cruz, California
Teacher: Explain that to me again.
Parent: I just don’t gets it. I’s lay with a man, and he gets me pregnant.
Teacher: Are you serious?
Parent: Look, bitch, I gots me seven kids, and I don’t know where they be comin’ from. You gots to help me. I goes to sleep, and then I’s wake up pregnant.
Teacher: Look, I’m referring you to the counselor. This is out of my hands.
Parent: Bitch, that ain’t gonna help!
Teacher: Look, I don’t have a direct line with Jesus to help you out, so the counselor is the next best thing. Got that, bitch?
School
Las Vegas, Nevada
Copywriter: So David*, did you thank your wife for the candy she gave you yesterday?
David: In more ways than one.
Proofreader: A simple “yes” would have been sufficient.
Wausau, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Why am I the one blushing?
Gay drama teacher: We’re going to McDonald’s, did you want us to pick something up for you?
Hippie guitar teacher: No, I don’t eat there.
Gay drama teacher: Why, because of the movie Supersize Me?
Hippie guitar teacher: No, I stopped eating there ever since they started cutting down the rain forests to make room for more cow pastures for their meat.
Gay drama teacher: So… then, you don’t want McDonalds?
1311 E Katella Ave
Orange, California
Teacher: You know, now that they are both 18, we can rape them, and it wouldn’t be considered statutory.
2 Stewart Place
Eastchester, New York
Overheard by: Johnnymunz
Student: This question doesn't make sense.
Professor: What do you expect? I'm not Goldilocks.
Every single student: What?
Professor: What? You're Goldilocks! You all are Goldilocks.
University of Akron, Ohio
Overheard by: All Three Bears
Ethics professor: So, if Mr. Wiener, some new lawyer, imputed his conflict to the firm, you’re going to have a lot of unhappy lawyers. They’ll be like, ‘You suck, Wiener!’ … Oh, God, did I just say that?
Malibu, California
Overheard by: ktmonster
Kid #1: Number five is A, as in ‘asshole.’
Teacher: No, number five is B, as in…
Kid #2: Bastard!
Teacher: No, B as in ‘booby.’
High school
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: oh my
