Professor on phone: Do you know if Diane is right or left handed?
Office administrator: Ummm… I have no idea, why?
Professor on phone: Because I'm trying to figure out who left me this note.
Canberra
Australia
Overheard by: Tilla
Professor on phone: Do you know if Diane is right or left handed?
Office administrator: Ummm… I have no idea, why?
Professor on phone: Because I'm trying to figure out who left me this note.
Canberra
Australia
Overheard by: Tilla
Reading tutor #1: It’s your turn.
Reading tutor #2: Shut up, I know. I’m thinking. [Places letter on Scrabble board] There.
Reading tutor #3: What’s a gee-ram?
Reading tutor #2: Gram, you idiot.
Lusher Elementary School, Lowerline and Willow
New Orleans, Louisiana
Teacher #1: I think I should just become a hooker.
Teacher #2: Yeah, but think of the all the washing you would have to do.
New Zealand
Professor: It's an island somewhere…probably in the ocean.
University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Anne
Professor: We need this paper to be huge! I want people to fear us when we go to meetings… We need to be like male elephants!
Grad student #1: You want me to grow tusks?
Grad student #2: You want me to grow big ears?
Professor: No! We need to pee all over everything!
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Japanese professor: The peroxides are very volatile. If you drop them, we have to be out of the building before they hit the floor.
Grad student: I won’t drop them.
Japanese professor: And only Japanese ninja can move that fast.
Grad student: OK.
Japanese professor: I am well trained in the art of the ninja.
10900 Euclid Avenue
Cleveland, Ohio
English teacher: I didn’t actually get kicked out of the zoo, but they did scold me and said I couldn’t come back anymore.
West Santa Clara Street
Arcadia, California
Overheard by: What did he do to those animals?
Professor: Yeah, my daughter’s having a slumber party tonight. She invited eight girls, but one of them can’t come because she’s a Jew.
Grad student: Oh…
Professor: I mean, because there’s a Jewish holiday this weekend she has to observe.
Grad student: Oh, okay. Not because you don’t allow them in your home…
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Senior administrator: Speaking of birth control, how is your daughter?
Professor: Knocked up.
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Adviser: Okay, is everyone here? Great. So, John*, why don't you tell us what you've worked on this week?
John: Well, I did…
Adviser, interrupting: Actually, John, I'm just going to hummer you for a minute while I show them the data.
Female grad student: Um, what?
Adviser: I'm going to hummer him and just show everyone this, you know, like run over him like a big fucking car.
Female grad student: Uh, okay, but you can't say that.
Adviser: What? Why?
Female grad student: I'll tell you after lab meeting.
Adviser, angrily: What is so bad about saying that? Is it like mean or something to “hummer” someone?
Female grad student: Well it's not mean, it's just… Yeah, don't say that. Ever. We'll talk later.
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
