Vendor: Hey, can you do me a huge favor?
Boss: Sure, what do you need?
Vendor: I am trying to land this account, and the guy won’t sign with me unless you sleep with him.
Boss: I am not going to sleep with him! Wait a second, is he cute? Does he have lots of money?
Vendor: No.
Boss: Well, okay but just this once.
3663 S. Las Vegas Boulevard
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Rick
Sales rep on phone to customer: I thought about you in the shower this morning. I know that probably sounds weird but I think about my customers all the time.
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Wonder if he made the sale…
Customer: Why is your store so big?
Salesgirl: [Silence.]Customer: I’m an accountant — I notice these things.
Chocolate store
North Plainfield, New Jersey
Overheard by: Other Salesgirl
Sales: [Diana] is freaking out. What should I tell her?
Consultant: Just tell her to chill.
Sales: Well, how long should I tell her to chill?
Consultant: Until the next episode.
2135 Rimrock Road
Madison, Wisconsin
Sales manager: Oh, no… I’m not laughing at orphans, I’m laughing at old demented people.
Eagle Street, Brisbane
Australia
Overheard by: Clerk Peon
IT guy: Oh, good I’m back to the top of your favorite people list.
Sales assistant: What? William* the hot A/C guy got bumped down?
IT guy: William’s gone; he’s off the list.
Sales guy: Isn’t William a gerbil?
Sales assistant: That’s my gerbil! We’re talking about the A/C guy now.
Sales guy: Ask Peter* about gerbil; he likes ’em.
IT guy: Ed breeds the gerbils.
Sales guy: I breed them just for you. Hairless, clawless gerbils.
Peter: Edsgerbils.com!
Sales guy: You don’t want one with claws..
Peter: Go to Edsgerbils.com to get your hairless gerbils.
Sales guy: Don’t forget clawless… you don’t want one with claws.
Office Manager: Stop with the gerbils.
Sales guy, to himself: No… don’t want one with claws….
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Sales director on phone: Geeze, people are after our chicken like crack. Our chicken is crack!
Ronks, Pennsylvania
Account manager: Hey, [the customer] wants us to come in and make a presentation. Are you available to come with me next week?
Sales director: No. What I’m planning to do is to put together an entire project team — sales, marketing, engineering, quality, manufacturing, maybe even finance. I want to show that we have a comprehensive cross-functional team in place, so that we look like we know what we’re doing, no matter that the customer asks.
Account manager: That sounds great. Who else is gonna be on the team?
Sales director: Well, it looks like just me and you for now. Ask me again next month.
28100 Cabot Drive
Novi, Michigan
Sales guy: I made a pie once.
Assistant: Okay, I bite. What kind of pie did you make?
Sales guy: An apple one.
Assistant: Did it come out of a box?
Sales guy: No, I made it. All by myself. But it was really heavy. It must have been about ten pounds. I think I was stoned. This was back in like 1972… I just remember it was really heavy. I think it was about four inches thick.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Customer: Is Office 2003 the latest version of Office that’s out?
Salesperson: Yeah, they most likely won’t come out with a new version until Vista is released, which should be about the end of the year.
Customer: What’s that?
Salesperson: Vista?
Customer: Yeah, Rista? What is that? Is that the new Office?
Salesperson: No, Vista is the new operating system that’s coming out. Last I heard Microsoft was planning to release it near the end of this year.
Customer: Microsoft’s going to sell computers now?
Salesperson: No, Vista is the operating system that gets installed on computers. It’s what makes your computer run.
Customer: Oh, yeah, I knew that already. Are you going to be carrying Microsoft’s new computers?
Willard Building
State College, Pennsylvania
