Office mate #1: My brother's girlfriend brought dinner over last night.
Office mate #2: Is it weird–since you guys are twins– that your brother's girlfriend knows exactly what you look like naked?
Santa Monica, California
Office mate #1: My brother's girlfriend brought dinner over last night.
Office mate #2: Is it weird–since you guys are twins– that your brother's girlfriend knows exactly what you look like naked?
Santa Monica, California
Office manager: He kinda looks like a Ninja Turtle.
Receptionist: What?
Office manager: A Ninja Turtle. Don’t you see it?
Receptionist: Ummm…
Office manager: You know, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
Receptionist: Oh, that kind of Ninja Turtle… I don’t see it.
2661 Riva Road
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: aoK
Woman: I haven’t talked to Henry* in a week. I’m through with him.
Man: Why? What happened?
Woman: He’s sooo selfish. He took the last t-shirt out of my drawer and wore it.
Man: That’s it? Dumped him over a t-shirt?
Woman: I texted him and told him we’re through.
Man: Wow. Dumped over a Hanes.
Woman: Yep. Infidelity I forgave, but don’t take my last goddamned t-shirt out of my fuckin’ drawer. Selfish!
45 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Co-worker is on the phone with a customer.
Co-worker: No, I work in an office. And they make me wear pants.
400 Country Club Road
Eugene, Oregon
Coworker: Sue* and Becca* complained they were cold in the office.
Boss: Well, that doesn't make sense. They aren't even skinny.
Greenwood Village, Colorado
Self-conscious colleague: Oh, I don't look very nice!
Supportive colleague: Yes, you do. Let me look (pause) No, you look like a dickhead.
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: confused but amused
50-something man: Well, I have to tell you: for a woman in her 50s, you still look great.
50-something woman, flattered: Yeah?
50-something man: Oh, yeah. If we weren't both married, and you didn't work for me, I'd definitely try to nail ya.
Westbury, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
CSR #1: Do you remember Barbie?
CSR #2: Barbie? Was she the one who used to chain her chair to her desk?
CSR #1: No, that was someone else — Barbie was the one who used to have Barbie dolls all over her desk and pink fluffy pens and stuff?
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon is having a ball today
Tech support worker: This is not a train yard, and I am not a hobo.
Ontario
Canadia
Security worker: The girl they adopted was a grown woman, but she was a midget.
Fishers, Indiana
Overheard by: Answer the damn phone
