Co-worker #1: Hey, what are you doing?
Co-worker #2: Nothing.
Co-worker #1: What time are you going to lunch?
Co-worker #2: I was gonna go in a little bit.
Co-worker #1: Know what? I was too. C’mon, let’s go take a pee, then we’ll go to lunch.
1450 Chapel Street
New Haven, Connecticut
Boss: There’s pizza in the back room for everyone in appreciation of your hard work!
Employee #1: Hey, Jen*, can you save me a slice? I can’t leave my desk right now.
Employee #2: Sure, I’ll bring two back. There should be enough for two slices per person.
Employee #3: You know, I work harder than the rest of you all combined; therefore, I should get the most fuckin’ pizza. Does anyone else here work as hard as me? I don’t fuckin’ think so. So that means that I get more pizza. I don’t want to see anyone eating more fuckin’ pizza than me.
Employee #2: So, Meredith*, what kind of pizza did you want?
Employee #1: Um, I think I’ll just… stick with my yogurt… Thanks.
570 Worcester Road
Framingham, Massachusetts
Female shop assistant: Sorry sir, but you'll have to stand outside. These changing rooms are for women only.
Cocky Spaniard: So?
Female shop assistant: You're a man.
Cocky Spaniard: But I'm gay!
Female shop assistant: That's not really my problem, sir. Please wait outside.
Massimo Dutti Store
Dubai
Overheard by: Keep Digging!
Hostess: I once gave everyone in my restaurant an Adderall. We had never been more efficient!
Charlotte, North Carolina
Saleswoman to IT guy: John, I need your help. My computer isn't working at all. I tried everything.
John: Okay, I'll be right over.
(goes over, takes a look)
John: Did you think to try to turn it on?
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Dawn Elizabeth
Tween girl: I wonder if these shorts will fit? I’m just going to try them on right here.
Girl’s father: Why don’t you go in a dressing room, honey? For God’s sake, have some modesty.
Tween girl: What’s modesty?
Moe’s Sport Shop
711 North University
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Male supervisor on phone to boss: Okay, I'll do the cash out today, oh and can you bring makeup tomorrow and turn me into an old woman? (pause) Great, thanks!
Olypmic Peninsula, Washington
Overheard by: great scott
Cube dweller #1: For my wedding the colors were black and white. So I took my bridesmaids to the dress shop and told them to pick out whatever dress they wanted. They all ended up picking the same one.
Cube dweller #2: Well, that's nice.
Cube dweller #1: Of course they picked the most expensive dress, but I didn't have to pay for that part.
Cube dweller #2: And I bet it was a nice bridesmaid dress that they could wear again and again.
Cube dweller #3: Yeah, like to a funeral.
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: eavesdropping cube dweller
Chief of Plant Operations: We need to disconnect and then reconnect the cash registers from the parking booths. This is high priority.
IT: Huh? Why not just leave it connected?
700 State Drive
Los Angeles, California
Female supervisor: Here, Melissa…scrape off some of that frosting, and jam your nuts into it! It's really good!
Madison, Wisconsin
