Nursing home resident, about stuffed cow: Pepper had a baby!
Staff: What's his name?
Resident: Pepper pea!
Staff: How's the baby doing?
Resident: He's peeing everywhere!
Staff: I thought Pepper was a boy.
Resident: He is.
Staff: Then how did Pepper have a baby?
Resident: That's what I'd like to know!
Greenwood, South Carolina
Overheard by: Dana
Operator, over walkie system: Shoes, you have a call on line 3-4, shoes, line 3-4.
Human resources worker: Hey was that a call for HR Erin?
Operator: No. That was a call for shoes.
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Spizzy
IT guy, while waiting for coworker's computer to load: So, what kind of name is your last name, anyways?
20-something coworker: German.
IT guy: Ah… So, you ever been over to those concentration camps? The closest I ever got to was the Holocaust Museum downtown.
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Jen
Plotting intern to another: Even if we make it to the White House, we do not change our name. Or our skin.
Greenville, South Carolina
Receptionist: Good morning. How may I direct your call?
Telemarketer: I'm looking for Dick. I mean, I'm looking for a dick. I mean, I'm looking for someone named Dick.
Austin, Texas
Store clerk: Hey, that guy you put on line one, was his name Smith*?
CSR #1: Yeah, it was, how'd you know?
Store clerk: Because he's got that “fuck you for helping me” tone of voice.
CSR #2: Who is he?
Store clerk: My mortal enemy.
CSR #1: Well, fuck you very much!
Newton, Massachusetts
Office drone: I love that little guy on Charlie Brown. (pause) What's his name… dirt bag?
Intern: No, dumb ass… It's Pig-pen!
Mt. Sterling, Kentucky
Peon #1, about SpongeBob: No, the lobster's name is Larry.
Peon #2: I thought the lobster's name was Mr Crabby?
Peon #1: That would be the crab.
Peon #2: Ohhhh, I right, I can see that.
Northridge, California
Attorney: Why did you bill all of these overtime hours?
Paralegal: Because you're a faggot!
Manhattan, New York
