Money

Thank the Sweet Baby Jesus for That

Girl nerd: I'd like to buy two cookies and two drinks, please.
Cashier: Okay, that'll be $1.18.
Girl rocker: For two cookies and two drinks? That's not right. That's got to be for one cookie or something.
Cashier: Yes. Wait, you want two cookies and two drinks?
Girl nerd: I'm paying for two cookies and two drinks.
Cashier: Okay, hmm… (thinks for a few seconds, then pushes buttons on the register) Umm…
Girl rocker: She wants two cookies and two drinks.
Cashier: Okay, that'll be $4.45.
Girl nerd: That makes more sense. I was wondering why it was so low.
Cashier, handing them two drinks and one cookie: There you go. Sorry for the confusion! Have a good day.
Girl rocker: We wanted two cookies.
Cashier: Two cookies? I thought you said two drinks.
Girls in unison: We said two cookies and two drinks.
Girl nerd: Did you charge me for two cookies?
Cashier: No, but you can just have the second one. Don't worry. No charge.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

I Believe–and Fear–the Children are the Future

Accounting guy #1: Every big company is tired of printing paychecks.
Accounting guy #2: Tired of spending all that money.
Accounting guy #1: Tired of every 13 year old in the country being able to print those checks.

1600 Cantrell Road
Little Rock, Arkansas

Have You Tried Telling It How Beautiful It Is?

Automotive claims adjuster: I don't know if I should pay to lube this thing, or if I should just shove the sucker in and hope it does its thing.

Addison, Texas

On the Plus Side, My Personal Shopper Reports Much Shorter Lines

High society chick #1: Holy shit! The market's falling off a cliff again. They keep sending me this stuff on my BlackBerry.
High society chick #2: Yeah, it's like really scary.
High society chick #1: I went to my horseback riding class yesterday, and now there's like half the people than before.

Starbucks
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: mike sereny

We Just Put It in the Trunk; We'll Bury It Later

Coworker #1, walking down hallway: What's so wrong with beating dead whores?
Coworker #2: I don't really know what to say right now.
Coworker #1: See! In this morning's meeting nobody else said anything about it either. I was just saying that we need to stop talking about the budget because it's like beating dead whores. Like that saying goes. But the conversation just kind of stopped.

Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Jen

…Used Condoms, First-Born Children, Heroin…

Male flight attendant holding garbage bag and walking down aisle: Trash, garbage, jewelery, wallets. Trash, garbage, jewelery, wallets…

Continental Flight from Berlin to Newark, New Jersey

He’s Got Big Plans for the Weekend

Guy: You want me to buy 60 dollars’ worth of butt-paste?

4803 Deer Lake Drive
Jacksonville, Florida

Wasn't That a Beach Boys Song?

Boss lady checking bank: Oh, $89,000 in the auto pay… California titties, here I come!

Las Vegas, Nevada

You Can't Handle My Zip Code!

Cashier: Sir, what's your zip code?
Customer: Credit.
Cashier: No, your zip code?
Customer: Oh… credit.
Cashier: Your zip code!

Hampton, Virginia

Overheard by: TY

…Based Upon My Close Textual Reading Of Nine Seasons Of Roseanne.

Cube drone #1: I took the bus this morning, and I was squashed in by this really fat woman.
Cube drone #2: (sympathetic noise)
Cube drone #1: That's the thing about taking the bus. I mean, it's really sad– poor people tend to be fat.

Washington, DC

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