Volunteer #1: Man, Chipotle is so good, man!
Volunteer #2: Yeah, except it makes you have to go to the bathroom because of the hot sauce…
Volunteer #1: I's okay, man, you just take a Game Boy into the bathroom with you. Kills like a half hour.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Attractive female employee: Hey Steve*, do you have something hard that I can suck on to keep me awake?
Steve*, after 15 second pause and in disbelief: Jane*, you really don't know how long I have been waiting for you to ask me that.
Attractive female employee, turning red: I meant did you have candy, like Jolly Ranchers or something.
San Luis Obisbo, California
Boastful rare coin dealer: Oh, yeah, I sold a piece yesterday–$7,700.
Impressionable cashier girl: Wow… wow!
Boastful rare coin dealer: Day before that, sold a coin for four grand.
Impressionable cashier girl: That's unbelievable. Oh… debit or credit?
Boastful rare coin dealer: Food stamps.
Levittown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Flynn
Dispatcher peering into Tupperware container: I am so sick of kielbasa I could kick Jesus in the shins!
Emergency center
Pennsylvania
Black lady cleaning out her desk: I got to get rid of all these crackers in here.
White guy passing through: I heard that!
Wilmington, Delaware
Overheard by: Saltine McCrackerface
Co-Worker, reading email: Can you believe this shit?! The nerve! “For those over 50, special healthcare benefits.” Over 50! How can they send me this shit and…Oh, there’s a free lunch. [Pause] Well, maybe I’ll go.
Trinity Place
New York, New York
Girl: Did you ever eat SpaghettiO's when you were a kid?
Guy: No, my parents loved me.
Grocery Store
Vancouver, Washington
Manager: I’m sorry that was a dumb question, I just didn’t have enough to eat before lunch.
1005 17th Street
Denver, Colorado
Female employee: You've never had Krispy Kreme donuts?
Male employee: Nope.
Female employee: Ohh. They are so good!
Male employee: Really?
Female employee: Yeah, they're better than sex!
Male employee: Hmm. You must be doing it wrong.
Centerville, Utah
Office drone: I'm going to go home, snuggle into bed, and eat pudding until I throw up. Then I'll feel better.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: He had a big bag of Valhrona pudding, too.
