Male coworker: God, I love tomato soup! I would lick the bowl clean if I weren't worried about walking around the rest of the day looking like I just earned my “red wings”.
Female coworker: You can go ahead and lick it. We have napkins.
Rockford, Illinois
Overheard by: Wowzers
Gay hairstylist: But people who have anal don't get prostrate cancer…
Manager: They only get hemorrhoids.
Gay hairstylist: That's true, after a while it looks like a cauliflower. But, anyway, we do not get prostate cancer, because the cock acts like a massage therapist.
Manager: Riiiiight!
Sao Paulo
Brazil
Queer employee: Don’t we have any hard candy to suck on?
5200 Blue Lagoon Drive
Miami, Florida
Overheard by: Lizzo
Fat manager: I'm sweating Diet Coke and doughnuts.
Charlottesville, Virginia
Art director, peeling an orange: I wish homeless people smelled like oranges.
Oak Lawn Avenue
Dallas, Texas
Accountant: We’re taking Mark* to Joe’s Crab Shack for his retirement party at the end of the month.
Secretary: Is that where you want to go? I figured you for more of a Hooters man. Wouldn’t you rather have Hooters than crabs?
Mark: I thought the two went hand in hand! You can’t have one without the other.
401 Church Street
Nashville Tennessee
Female customer: Excuse me, what is this?
Guy behind counter: It’s gazpacho soup.
Female customer: But it’s cold.
Guy behind counter: It’s supposed to be served chilled.
Female customer: But you said it was soup.
Hospital cafeteria
New York, New York
Cube rat #1: Slurpees are the best things ever. Hawaiian Punch Slurpee, man. Only second to lemonade Slurpee.
Cube rat #2: I haven’t had a Slurpee in, like, 20 years.
Cube rat #1: You’re ridiculous.
Cube rat #2: You’re gay!
Cube rat #1: Gay for my Slurpees.
12012 Sunset Hills Road
Reston, Virginia
Co-worker #1: Hey, why did you get a coffee this morning? We’re getting free Starbucks coffee today, remember?
Co-worker #2: Oh, this isn’t a coffee. It’s a latte.
90 Shawmut Road
Canton, Massachusetts
Copywriter: Were you looking for me?
Designer: Sorry?
Copywriter: Before, when I was in that meeting…it looked like you were looking for me.
Designer: Ah…Where I walked over, sighed, and declared “Tragedy”; I was actually looking for the coffee. The window to your meeting room just happened to be behind the machine. You guys have better coffee than our side.
12655 Beatrice Street
Los Angeles, California
