Loan officer: My husband’s parents were married for 50 years.
Receptionist: What’s the secret of being married that long?
Collector: Alcohol.
802 South Westnedge Avenue
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Overheard by: just passing by
Loan officer: My husband’s parents were married for 50 years.
Receptionist: What’s the secret of being married that long?
Collector: Alcohol.
802 South Westnedge Avenue
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Overheard by: just passing by
Reporter: I know how to do CPR. I have the CPR ap on my iPhone.
Augusta, Georgia
Boss, explaining why he hates a Christmas song: I heard that during my aborted vasectomy, so every time I hear it I think of the doctor trying to slit me!
Northshore, Massachusetts
Female motherly coworker who needs her back cracked: Will it hurt?
Young, hot, male coworker: It might. I usually do it from behind. I will kind of hug you while I do it quick.
Female motherly coworker: I don't know if I will like that. I don't want it to hurt me. Why don't you do it from the front?
Young, hot, male coworker: Okay, turn around.
Female motherly coworker: Ah, that's it! Right there. Oh, I needed that for such a long time…
Mountville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Wow
Project Manager: What’s that band-aid on your neck for?
Owner: I had a melanoma removed.
Worker: Oh, I thought you were on the patch, but I didn’t know they made a patch for “Asshole”.
Owner: No, it’s for hemorrhoids. I’m going to disappear.
8929 Rosedale Highway
Bakersfield, California
Endocrinologist to another doctor: They're both GI doctors, so you know they're really pulling it in. And they've got good hours, well, unless someone starts bleeding in the middle of the night. The only way one of mine bleeds is if I stab them in the thyroid.
Fairview Hospital
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: A Very Scared Patient
Man using bathroom stall: Well, I drink about a liter, a liter and a half of water a day.
Man at urinal: Drinking water is good for the kidneys, and I've got a constipation problem, so drinking water helps me.
Atlanta, Georgia
Mother: I think Grandma Olson has a little bit of a cirrhosis thing going on.
Little girl: Why’s that?
Mother: Because Grandma Olson drinks much, much, much more than-
Little girl: -Than grandpa?
Mother: Than anyone in the world.
120 Kellogg Boulevard
St. Paul, Minnesota
Woman supervisor: So the manager called and asked me if I could open today.
Man supervisor: Yeah, me too. I was supposed to close tonight.
Woman supervisor: I told him I had some very important things to do this morning. Mostly it was getting over my hangover, ’cause I was gonna get fucking drunk last night.
Man supervisor: Sounds like a legit excuse to me.
Woman supervisor: Don’t worry, you can get drunk tonight.
8341 NW Roanridge Road
Kansas City, Missouri
Coworker #1: I was berated by Susan* yesterday because I asked for my light fixture to be fixed… again… after 13 days. She got angry because she ‘has more important things to worry about.’ Apparently, her husband’s in the ICU.
Coworker #2: Dude, she’s going to have to unplug him.
Coworker #1: I understand that, but I resent the accusation that somehow my asking for my light to be fixed betrays an insensitivity to the plight of her almost-dead husband.
Austin, Texas
