Executive: So I ended up with the meth head’s blood all over my face.
8081 Wallace Road
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Executive: So I ended up with the meth head’s blood all over my face.
8081 Wallace Road
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Office dude: Ow! Son of a..!
Office chick: Oh, are you OK?
Office dude: I just banged my penis on the desk.
395 Hudson Street
New York, NY
Partner: Tell me something. Does anyone around here care about me at all? I mean if I were to drop dead right here and now in the middle of the floor would just leave me lying there or at least push me into a dark corner?
Receptionist: I’m sure I could manage a little bit better than that.
Partner: Well, thank you. At least someone cares.
1218 Webster Street
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Office Slave
Employee: You're not going to a chiropractor, are you?
Boss: No. She's a lesbian voodoo doctor. She's next to a bagel shop.
Vancouver
Canadia
Woman with thick Chinese accent on phone: Poop!? Poop!? You poop on the floor!? How old are you?
Somerville, New Jersey
State senator, addressing the senate about DNA swabbing: Of course it's invasive, you're sticking something in someone else's mouth!
State Senate
Raleigh, North Carolina
Nurse: How have your bowel movements been?
Elderly man: Oh, very good, thank you! Would you like to see?
Hospital
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Molly
Loan officer: My husband’s parents were married for 50 years.
Receptionist: What’s the secret of being married that long?
Collector: Alcohol.
802 South Westnedge Avenue
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Overheard by: just passing by
Reporter: I know how to do CPR. I have the CPR ap on my iPhone.
Augusta, Georgia
Boss, explaining why he hates a Christmas song: I heard that during my aborted vasectomy, so every time I hear it I think of the doctor trying to slit me!
Northshore, Massachusetts
