Suit on cell: I went across the street to the Chinese/Thai food place for lunch, and not everything afterwards went according to plan. I've spent enough time in the bathroom this afternoon to finish reading a book. I know you weren't necessarily dying for that information, but that's the reason this took me a while to finish. I will still be billing two hours to this, though, even though it took a bit longer.
Manhattan, New York
Senior research analyst in the elevator: Someone’s all cologned up in here.
Team leader: I think most of us are. We’re a good smelling team.
4833 Rugby Avenue
Bethesda, Maryland
Cube dweller #1: There's one bagel left.
Cube dweller #2: I think that's the one that was on the floor.
Cube dweller #3: No, I ate that one.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Temp #1: Are you drinking hot water?
Temp #2: With some lemon, yeah. Why?
Temp #1: Doesn't hot water make you have to crap?
Temp #2: What?
Temp #1: Hot water makes my grandmother have to crap.
Temp #2: What?
Nashville, Tennessee
Very white girl in business suit on cell in cafeteria: No, I haven't told him yet, I just found out for sure this morning. (pause) Well, I don't have his phone number anymore, I took it out of my phone so I wouldn't drunk dial. (pause) I don't know, I know his address, so maybe I'll just send him a card. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm having a baby, and so are you”. (pause) Hey, maybe a singing telegram to him at work. That'll go over big. (pause) He's an elementary school teacher… that would probably get him fired. (pulls out ghetto accent) And you know my baby daddy better have hisself a job!
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
Sales guy: Remember when you were a kid and got crabs? The medicine would come in a plain brown box like that.
Asbury Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: (to the)
Coworker in break room: She said it was in college and she was drunk. I don't care how drunk you are, you don't poop on a pillow.
Rocky Hill, Connecticut
Suit on cell: I’m going home and changing into shorts. It’s so hot out there I need to throw up.
Washington Mutual
Livermore, California
Overheard by: Stephen
Head honcho: We should get on a pooping schedule!
Unidentified underling: (laughs nervously)
Head honcho: It's time for you to poop!
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: What's My Pee Telling Me?
Disgruntled employee at table filled with others: I don't know what's gonna win the race: a heart attack, finding a new job, or getting laid off.
Blue Bell, Pennsylvania
