Health & Hygiene

Which Is Why It Can't Be the Other Guy I Slept With

Very white girl in business suit on cell in cafeteria: No, I haven't told him yet, I just found out for sure this morning. (pause) Well, I don't have his phone number anymore, I took it out of my phone so I wouldn't drunk dial. (pause) I don't know, I know his address, so maybe I'll just send him a card. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm having a baby, and so are you”. (pause) Hey, maybe a singing telegram to him at work. That'll go over big. (pause) He's an elementary school teacher… that would probably get him fired. (pulls out ghetto accent) And you know my baby daddy better have hisself a job!

Princeton, New Jersey

Overheard by: Currrly!

So Many Wonderful Things Come in Plain, Brown Wrappers

Sales guy: Remember when you were a kid and got crabs? The medicine would come in a plain brown box like that.

Asbury Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: (to the)

It's an Ancient Chinese Proverb.

Coworker in break room: She said it was in college and she was drunk. I don't care how drunk you are, you don't poop on a pillow.

Rocky Hill, Connecticut

That’s What the Cargo Pockets are For

Suit on cell: I’m going home and changing into shorts. It’s so hot out there I need to throw up.

Washington Mutual
Livermore, California

Overheard by: Stephen

Companies Get the Unions They Deserve, Dear Reader

Head honcho: We should get on a pooping schedule!
Unidentified underling: (laughs nervously)
Head honcho: It's time for you to poop!

Altoona, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: What's My Pee Telling Me?

Isn't There Supposed to Be a Tortoise in This Story?

Disgruntled employee at table filled with others: I don't know what's gonna win the race: a heart attack, finding a new job, or getting laid off.

Blue Bell, Pennsylvania

As in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying?

Coworker in kitchen #1: Have you always had the problem, or have you changed you routine lately?
Coworker in kitchen #2: No, but I am on my knees a lot.

Marblehead, Massachusetts

You Say That Every Day.

Assistant: Did you know that dogs get breast cancer?
Supervisor: What?
Assistant: I used to work at a vet office, and they would bring in dogs with breast cancer!
Supervisor, after googling it: Yeah, I guess they do!
Assistant: Oh, really?! I made that up!
Supervisor: I'm done with you.

New York City, New York

Overheard by: Digitdy

Ever Been to Europe, Suzy?

Older boss: Healthcare needs competition to remain good. Just look at Lasik and boob jobs! Because those are paid for privately, they are affordable and high quality.
20-something underling: How would you know about the quality of boob jobs?

Augusta, Georgia

Overheard by: Will

You Know, I Have the Same Problem at Home

Employee (during global teleconference with CEO): I don't have a question, but I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to work here. Although I am deaf, it hasn't stopped me from having a chance of proving myself.
CEO: I appreciate your comment. That is a subject that is near and dear to my heart, since I have a son who is deaf.
Employee: What?

New Jersey

Overheard by: Snickering

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