Manager: Okay, bitches. At this beach party I want y’all to take care of business down South. I don’t want no hairy pussy to attack me while I’m tanning. [All female coworkers nod and walk away.]
Fulton Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: coworker
Coworker: I made a conscious effort not to wear any perfume today in case it was causing you to sneeze, so if I stink, it's your fault.
Conversation disruptor: I love your stink.
Beaverton, Oregon
Overheard by: Sneezy
Office worker #1: So, what are they going to do if the baby hasn't come this week?
Office worker #2: Well, they are going to have her cervix ripened on Friday.
Office worker #3: Um, you mean she is getting induced?
Office worker #1: Uh oh, I think Jane* just threw up in the plant.
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Office girl #1: Where were you yesterday!
Office girl #2: I was sick, sorry.
Office girl #1: Sick with what?
Office girl #2: Head cold… My nose was running really bad.
Office girl #1: Oh, yeah? What color was the snot?
Office girl #2: Ummm… Clear-yellowish-like.
Office girl #1: No infection — you could have come in!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Why would she answer that??
Worker: [Jeff] didn’t come in because he has pneumonia. We went to the hospital yesterday.
Manager: Ever since you and [Jeff] started dating he’s begun falling apart. Now he’s got pneumonia. That’s what drugs will do to you; lower your immune system.
Worker: That couldn’t have been it…It’s been 2 weeks since we’ve taken ecstacy.
7350 S. Tamiami Trail
Sarasota, Florida
Cube rat #1: Hey Chris, go install this on Ben's computer.
Cube rat #2: (lets out audible fart)
Cube rat #1: Never mind.
Cube rat #2: Hey, I'm only getting two bars for my laptop's Wi-Fi connection.
Cube rat #3: It's because that damn fart cloud is out blocking the signal!
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: Cube Rat Holding Nose
Office engineer #1: Why are you washing your hands in the water cooler?
Office engineer #2: Oh, I was playing with my dirty, failed parts.
Oil pump company
Claremore, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Tony
50-year old guy #1: I don't want to be here.
50-year old guy #2, passing by: Just shit your pants. Nobody likes working with you if you have shitty pants.
Rocky River, Ohio
Operator: Thank you for calling Bayshore Medical Insurance*; how can I assist?
Caller: So who are you?
Operator: We’re an insurance company.
Caller: And what do you do?
Operator: We help you with your insurance.
Caller: I don’t understand.
Operator: Well, your boss gives you benefits for working there, and our job is to help you use your benefits.
Caller: I don’t have any benefits! I never signed up for this! Did my boss tell you to call me? Is he trying to set me up? Who told you to call me?
Operator: Sir, you called me.
Market Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: The Man
Secretary: Are you gonna have a little bambino?
Slightly overweight patient: Uh, no. Just had a few too many cookies.
Secretary: Are you sure? Maybe I know something you don't.
Slightly overweight patient: I am unable to conceive.
Rochester, New York
