Engineer #1: Drew*, you’re having corned beef again?
Team leader: Yeah, I got a big piece of it and cooked it all at once.
Engineer #2: Did you get it at Costco? It’s real cheap there.
Team leader: Yeah, but the thing that sucks is it shrinks when you put it in the oven. You’re thinking you have a big piece of meat, and then you pull it out and you’re all disappointed.
Deer Park, Illinois
Overheard by: office peon/cubicle monkey
VP: It really freaks me out when you look in here and laugh; it makes me think there’s something wrong with me.
30 E. 33rd Street
New York, NY
Student: I hate going to the weight room. Those weights are heavy.
School
Texas
Overheard by: dan
Woman: I thought I was a smart person, but no, I’m not.
175 S. Third Street
Columbus, Ohio
Secretary #1: It looks nice, don’t it?
Secretary #2: Did you just say, “it looks nice, don’t it?”…Doesn’t it! I’m just trying to get us ready for the bigwigs next week!
Secretary #1: It don’t matter, sweetie.
10559 Citation Drive
Brighton, Michigan
Overheard by: Abigail Fisher
Mother to small child: I already spent all of my money on your face.
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Overheard by: beckz
Middle aged woman: Ever since I hit 50, the hot flashes have been hitting me like mad.
Teenage clerk: Ummm…yes.
St. Louis, Missouri
Overheard by: Anni
Soldiers are doing push-ups on frost-covered grass.
Soldier #1: Man, it’s cold! I can’t feel my hands!
Soldier #2: I can’t feel my testicles.
Soldier #3: My testicles are all crawled up inside my body…so snug…and so warm…
Soldier #4: I wish I was a testicle.
Soccer field #3
Fort Eustis, Virginia
Woman #1: I've been drinking tons of water.
Woman #2: Oh, yeah?
Woman #1: Yeah, I've been peeing like crazy.
Woman #2: Oh, yeah?
Woman #1: Yeah, like every five minutes. I hate peeing. It is so boring.
New York City, New York
Boss: I don’t want you to answer the department phone anymore. Unless I’m on another line, that is.
Drone: OK…sure. Uh, what happened? I mean, did someone complain about me?
Boss: Not yet.
7 Times Square
New York, NY
