IT to coworker: No, I am not taking my muffin into the bathroom!
Carbondale, Illinois
IT to coworker: No, I am not taking my muffin into the bathroom!
Carbondale, Illinois
Office manager, on the phone: Which one of Mommy’s boyfriends beat you badly enough as a child to turn you into the bitter, empty, hollow shell of a human being you are today?
Supervisor, to trainee: See? That’s why we have to answer the phone quickly in this office: to keep the managers from picking up the phone. Ever.
221 Corporate Gateway Boulevard
Columbia, South Carolina
Overheard by: Geobaldi
Girl #1: There is so much secondhand smoke here that it’s going to kill us eventually.
Girl #2: That’s for sure!
Girl #1: It’s okay, though. I have life insurance.
Local bar
Burlington, North Carolina
Overheard by: Bartender Snickering Nearby
Kindergarten boy: Mrs. Jones*, I need to go to the bathroom.
Teacher: No, you just went.
Kindergarten boy: Please, Mrs. Jones*. I gotta go.
Teacher: No, you were told you had to wait.
Kindergarten boy: But I have to go now! My marbles are itchy!
Manitoba
Canadia
Video Game Developer: Why am I naked and corrupted?
24742 SE 28th Place
Seattle, Washington
Engineer: So, did you enjoy your Cinco de Mayo?
Secretary: Um. I was in Rhode Island for the weekend…
Engineer: Yeah, so?
Secretary: Ever been?
Engineer: Yeah, couple of times… what’s your point?
Secretary: Heh. Rhode Island is like the white-bread capital, at least the part where I go is.
Engineer: Okaayyy… so there was no Cinco de Mayo celebration?
Secretary: Dude, lemme put it this way for ya: It’s so damn white up there, they have white gardeners. Mexicans are like freakin’ nonexistant up there. And don’t even get me started on the nonexistance of black people. Hell, the last time I saw a black person while I was up there was the one we brought with us. . .and she kept singin’ “Massa got me workin'” just to freak the rest of the whities out.
One Penn Plaza
New York, New York
Overheard by: *snicker*
Bicycle Girl: Take the 101 to the 405, and then you’ll hit Santa Monica. There are great bike trails there.
Bicycle Boy: Great. I was having trouble finding good bike trails around here.
Bicycle Girl: Yeah, there are no good trails in the Valley. You have to go by the beach or mountains. No one rides their bike in the Valley unless they’re Mexican and on their way to work.
North Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Jen
Worker #1: I can’t believe [Jim] didn’t show up for the meeting.
Worker #2: I know. He has some nerve.
Worker #1: I hope he gets a painful rash in the anal region…if you know what I mean.
245 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Experienced healthcare worker: I told you not to tell our boss that I let you do that procedure, but you told her. Why did you tell her?
New Asian healthcare worker: Sometimes you talk and I just nod my head.
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Alarmed healthcare worker
Ghetto girl on cell: Whitey snuck into my apartment and set my alarm clock off by 12 hours! I ain’t never snuck into no white person’s house and put poison in they’re food! But Whitey’s oppressin’ me. Whitey snuck into my apartment while I was in the shower and stole my underwear! While I was in the shower!
545 Bus
Outside Seattle, Washington
