Assistant bishop: What the hell?! I can’t get any damned work done around here!
Salem, Virginia
Overheard by: only agnostic in the office
Spot op #1: [Bill] tells good stories, he’s an excellent storyteller; me, I’m a stuttering prick when I tell a story.
Spot op #2: I tell stories, but they’re not very funny.
Spot op #1: Or interesting.
245 West 52nd Street
New York, NY
Overheard by:
Loud educator to others: Why does everything I touch get hard?
Doylestown, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: G-wiz
Black co-worker: Hey, how are you doing today?
Redneck co-worker: If I were you, I wouldn’t speak to me today.
Black co-worker: Why is that? What’s wrong with you?
Redneck co-worker: I’m not too fond of you black people today. That damn Tiger Woods has won another Major.
Black co-worker: Oh, that’s all? Well, what are you going to do when we take over NASCAR?
Redneck co-worker: [Bewildered silence]
1000 Jerry St. Pe Highway
Gulf Coast, Mississippi
Overheard by: The Guy sitting next to the idiot
Resident: Patient was seen today at his home. He’s still complaining that the beams from Oregon are bothering him, but he said they aren’t affecting him too badly right now. In fact, he said that they don’t affect men too much in general – it’s really women who should be worried about the beams, especially, he said, when they’re aimed at women’s private boxes.
Social worker: Did you just say private boxes?
Psychiatric clinic
Tulsa, Oklahoma
VP: It’s so frustrating trying to reach that guy.
IT: How so?
VP: Whenever I call at lunch or after hours, he’s never there.
12444 Powerscourt Drive
St. Louis, Missouri
Manager on phone: So I’m going to ask you a question, and you’re going to hate me for not knowing the answer. [pause] That was below the belt. [pause] It’s child protection. [pause] Annnyways, I was wondering…
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Grunt: I don’t like Vegas. Actually, I liked Vegas when the mob ran it. Now it’s like Disneyland with hookers.
402 Watertower Circle
Colchester, Vermont
Overheard by: Bastian
Student: This place is nice.
Employee: Yeah, it’s really peaceful until the homeless guys look at porn on the Internet and they have to call the cops.
Student: Does that happen a lot?
Employee: Yeah. What else do they have to do?
Law Library, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
CSR: Today needs to be over. I’m so seriously ready to slit my wrists–
The phone rings.
CSR: Good afternoon. This is [Nelly], how can I help you? Oh…hi! How are you doing?…Oh, I’m great! Mm-hmm, yes, of course! I just have to pull up your previous order…Oh, really? Oh! Well, that’s okay!…No, really!…Oh, stop it! Ha, ha! Okay, well thanks for calling anyway! Yes…Thank you, I will! You also, okay? M’kay, bye!…Jesus. Okay, so, what the fuck was I saying again?
950 Tower Lane
Foster City, California
