General Idiocy

Employee #1: Alright, so I could say, ‘One thousand, one hundred twenty-five — the average number of apples on a tree.’
Employee #2: Hey, wait, no — that’s not right. It’s too many.
Employee #1: Well, can you prove it? You would have to count every apple on every tree in the world.
Employee #2: No, I’d just count out of a hundred apple trees and get an average from that.
Employee #1: But that’d be an incomplete average, and I said ‘every tree,’ so you’d have to count, like, pine trees and…
Employee #2: There are no apples on pine trees!

Mapleview Drive
Barrie, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: fellow bewildered worker-bee

Employee #1: It went well. I have to pick some comp– Compet– Um…
Employee #2: Competencies?
Employee #1: Yeah! … What does that mean?

Charlotte, North Carolina

Web developer: That doesn’t count.
Web designer: Neither can your mum.
Web developer: Yeah — I guess it really hampered her 25-year career as a bookkeeper.
Web designer: What sort of books did she keep?

104-108 Dover Street
Richmond Victoria
Australia

Large, bearded interviewee: … And I have to tell you that I do smoke pot… But I used to do construction, and I was high the whole time I did that, and that’s a lot more dangerous than this.

Addison, Texas

Overheard by: curtis

Customer: What are all of those light switches for?
Store clerk, without looking up: For turning things on and off.

Wichita, Kansas

Overheard by: Chandra

Marketing assistant: He’s really changed his tune on that.
PR associate: Yup, he’s come around 360 degrees.
Marketing assistant: If not more!

105 Madison Avenue
New York, New York

CSR #1 on phone: Hello, are you there? Marco? Marco?
CSRs #2 and #3, simultaneously: Polo? Polo?

473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey

Overheard by: office peon

Ghetto customer: My daiquiri tastes like water.
Waiter: I’m sorry, sir. What may I bring you instead?
Ghetto customer: Water.

Dulaney Valley Road
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: shaking my head

Caller on speakerphone: Is so-and-so in?
Office girl: No, he’s out for the week.
Caller on speakerphone: Okay, well, I had you transfer me to what’s-his-name before. Is he in?
Office girl: No, I think he’s gone for the day.
Caller on speakerphone: Do you even work there, or are you just an answering service?
Office girl: Ummm…

Wisconsin Avenue NW
Washington, DC

Teacher: Do you all know your Roman numerals?
Student: Yeah — aren’t them those noodles you eat?

Rosedale Street
Fort Worth, Texas

Overheard by: MsTchr4678