Caller: I need to know about courses on Saturday.
Bored operator: Which center would you like to go through to?
Caller: Yes, uh, Saturday courses. Nine o’clock ’til five o’clock.
Bored operator: Okay, which department?
Caller: Saturday — S-A-T–
Bored operator: —Which center? Clapham, Vauxhall, Brixton?
Caller: Uh, no, I want to know about Saturday courses. Saturday courses!
Bored operator: Do you have a contact name? … I’ll just put you through to someone, then. Bye!
College
London
England
Marketing peon #1: The best tapas I ever had were in Sacramento.
Marketing peon #2: Oh… Uh, you mean, like, the city of?
400 Technology Square
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: valender
Customer #1: Do you have Freaky Friday?
Clerk: Yes, we have it on DVD and VHS for rental only.
Customer #1: Okay, I’ll take one to buy.
Clerk: We only have it to rent.
Customer #1: Where is the one for sale?
Clerk: We only have it to rent. There are none for sale for that title.
Customer #1: Well, you should have said something in the first place!
Customer #2: Wow… You are really that dumb, huh?
Video store
Massachusetts
Overheard by: Dudette
Agent: … And I have to go back out there because her husband’s not in town this weekend.
Receptionist: Really? Where is he?
Agent: He’s out of town!
Receptionist: … Yeah. Thanks.
2661 Riva Road
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: Car Ramrod
Sales guy: Is the old copy machine face-up or face-down?
Office manager: Face… up. No, face-down. Eh, just try it both ways.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
CEO: I have come up with the solution for the conflict between Israel and Palestine.
Employee: Yeah? What is it?
CEO: The US takes a part of Montana near the Canadian border where no American wants to live and donates it to the Jews. They can all move there and set up their own new Israel there, and all the fighting can stop.
Employee, chuckling, then pausing: … Wait, are you serious? I don’t think that would work.
CEO: Why not?
Frederick, Maryland
Overheard by: poj
Cafeteria employee: What is the name of that guy who wrote The Pelican Brief? He wrote, like, eight books about the law.
Law student: Ummm… Dean Koontz…?
Cafeteria employee: Good one, man! This guy is smart!
600 New Jersey Avenue NW
Washington, DC
Employee #1, giving presentation: You can’t get HIV from urine. Urine is actually sterile.
Employee #2: Blood is sterile!
Employee #1: Ummm, I’m pretty sure it’s not.
Employee #2: No, blood is sterile.
Employee #3: How can blood be sterile? What about hepatitis?
Employee #2: Well, I mean, it’s sterile to you when it’s inside of you.
Employee #1: Okay, everybody, blood is sterile… unless it’s full of HIV.
Rancho Cordova, California
Executive VP: We have to eat our own children before someone else does.
Quarterly review conference call
Virginia
Overheard by: He who has given up eating human flesh, mostly
Nurse: We need you to be here for the duration of your brother’s procedure. He should be done in 15 minutes or so.
20-something mechanic: Do I need to be here? [Points at floor.] Or here? [Points at room.] Because that is one flashlight I don’t wanna hold!
Proctologist’s office
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: but he’s taken a shine to you!
