CSR #1: What are you eating now?
CSR #2: Pumpkin Spice Flax granola bar.
CSR #1: Glass?
CSR #2: No… pumpkin spice flax. You know — flax seeds.
CSR #1: Wax?!
CSR #2: Ugh… never mind.
CSR #1: You’re eating wax?!
CSR #2: Never mind!
CSR #1: Okay, see ya!
12 West Valley Avenue
Elysburg, Pennsylvania
Customer: Hmmm… I want something in a waffle cone.
Salesgirl, holding cone: Okay. What would you like?
Customer: Can you do a chocolate dip with that cone?
Salesgirl: No, it’s not strong enough.
Customer: Oh. Well, can you put a small banana split in it?
Salesgirl: Uh, no.
Customer: What about a malt?
Salesgirl: No.
Customer: A milkshake?
Salesgirl: No.
Customer, irritated: Well, what can you do with it?
Salesgirl: I can put yogurt in it.
Frozen yogurt shop
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Bimbette peon: This is my last weekend of being twenty-one! I can’t believe I’m so old. I might as well start picking out cemetery plots. I am going to get shit-faced this weekend — my last weekend of youth! [Old coworker stares blankly.]
Glen Allen, Virginia
Overheard by: Tisk Tisk
Contractor: Ma’am, just so you know for the next time we’re called in, caulking is not spelled C-O-C-K-I-N-G. It’s C-A-U-L-K-I-N-G.
Red-faced manager: Oh!
Retirement home
Oakville, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Giggling
Front desk: XYZ Inn*, Avery* speaking. How may I help you?
Caller: Is this the Holiday Inn?
Front desk: No, it’s the XYZ Inn.
Caller: So you’re not the Holiday Inn anymore?
Front desk: No!
Caller: Okay.
611 Ocean Street
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Crystal
Old black lady: Why you call your brother ‘KISS‘?!
Young black woman: Huh?
Old black lady: You know what ‘K-I-S-S’ stand for?
Young black woman: What?
Old black woman: ‘Knights in Satan’s Service.’ That’s right, ‘Knights in Satan’s Service! Why you call your brother ‘KISS‘?!
2201 South 10th Street
Ft. Pierce, Florida
Overheard by: Just here to get dialated
CSR: Okay, sir, I’m now going to give you your confirmation number: 5-9-7*-M as in ‘Michael’– No, M as in ‘Michael.’ No, I know your name is not Michael, sir. I’m saying ‘M as in Michael.’ Okay… 5-9-7-M as in ‘mother’– Sir… Yes, I’m sorry… I’m not saying you’re a woman, sir…
999 de Maisonneuve Boulevard
Montreal
Canadia
Overheard by: Monika
Supervisor: I’ve always wondered where the 13th floor is.
Employee #1: They just call thirteen ‘fourteen.’
Supervisor: I know that. But where is it? Is it just an empty space that the elevator skips?
Employee #2: Yeah, like, is it just completely unfinished and empty on that floor?
Employee #1: No, the 14th floor is actually the 13th floor, they just skip the number 13 because people are afraid of it.
Supervisor, skeptically: Mmmm.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Aaargh
Coworker #1: So, a magnetic train crashed in Germany, killing twenty-three.
Coworker #2: … Stupid Krauts.
70th Street and Park Avenue
New York, New York
Stable employee: Oh, there’s a reason all the horses’ names start with the letter Q. It’s ’cause we go through the alphabet — each year gets a different letter — so this year all the horses get named with the letter Q. So, like, last year was all P names, the year before it was O names, and next year it will be T… No, wait, U… S…? Hang on… P, Q, S, R… R, S — that’s it. Next year they all get R names.
Thebarton, Adelaide
Australia
