Employee #1, giving presentation: You can’t get HIV from urine. Urine is actually sterile.
Employee #2: Blood is sterile!
Employee #1: Ummm, I’m pretty sure it’s not.
Employee #2: No, blood is sterile.
Employee #3: How can blood be sterile? What about hepatitis?
Employee #2: Well, I mean, it’s sterile to you when it’s inside of you.
Employee #1: Okay, everybody, blood is sterile… unless it’s full of HIV.
Rancho Cordova, California
Executive VP: We have to eat our own children before someone else does.
Quarterly review conference call
Virginia
Overheard by: He who has given up eating human flesh, mostly
Nurse: We need you to be here for the duration of your brother’s procedure. He should be done in 15 minutes or so.
20-something mechanic: Do I need to be here? [Points at floor.] Or here? [Points at room.] Because that is one flashlight I don’t wanna hold!
Proctologist’s office
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: but he’s taken a shine to you!
Manager: If man were meant to wear pants, then dogs would wear pants, too.
Kane Hall, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Coworker #1: Yo! Can you send me that link again?
Coworker #2: Which one?
Coworker #1: You know, that one you sent me. With the article about the guy from My Chemical Romance.
Coworker #2: You mean Wikipedia?
Coworker #1: Yeah. I wonder what else is on there.
Internet service provider, 110 Symonds Street
Auckland
New Zealand
Coworker: Have you been to Foreign Brides* dot com? This is what they do — they send you a picture and string you on. Then they say they need a thousand dollars for a flight. I didn’t send it, because I knew! I knew this was a scam.
8 Cambridge Center
Boston, Massachusetts
Manager: Oh, oh! Are you coughing?
Gagging cube rat: No… I’m… Choking…
Manager, walking on: Oh, good, I thought you were getting sick, too.
4th Street
Louisville, Kentucky
Suit: Hey, which button is the hyphen? [Peon disappointedly points to hyphen key.] Oh, I thought that was called a ‘dash.’
Mortgage company
Melville, New York
Overheard by: Baffled how he gets paid four times as much as i do
Office grunt on cell: Yesterday I couldn’t even spell ‘truck driver,’ and today I are one!
175 Hutchinson Avenue
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Hates Walkie-Talkie Cell Phones
Worker bee #1: What’s the name of that movie with Samuel L. Jackson and the snakes on a plane?
Worker bee #2: Snakes on a Plane.
Worker bee #1: Yeah — what’s the name of it?
Worker bee #2: [Sighs.]
Hospital
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Andy
