Employee #1: It's 5 O'clock somewhere!
Employee #2: It's 5 O'clock at my desk. What do you think this water in my bottle here is?
Glendale, California
Employee #1: It's 5 O'clock somewhere!
Employee #2: It's 5 O'clock at my desk. What do you think this water in my bottle here is?
Glendale, California
Female cube monkey: He got his medulla oblongata pierced!
Beech Grove, Indiana
Overheard by: a different department
Admin on phone with daughter: Sure, you can go to Puerto Rico with the Jones*. (pause) How far is Puerto Rico, anyways? (pause) It's not really that far, right? It's like, part of the US, but it's one of those things–like a stepchild.
Lutherville, Maryland
Flamboyant marketing director: In my opinion, prostitutes are great because they help my liver. Let me explain–it cuts the process in half. I don't have to waste my money buying drinks for guys at the bar that still might not sleep with me. So… in the end, my liver is healthier because of prostitutes.
Old lady assistant: Prosciutto is good for the liver? I'll put it in a salad!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Lowly Intern
Male coworker, carrying apple and pear into break room: Who took my banana?
Ridge, New York
Boss, about to hang up on someone calling into the meeting: Is there anything else?
Colleague: No, I think I'm done.
Boss: Good, 'cause I got my finger on the button over here. I feel like the little boy with his finger in the dike.
Washington, DC
Blonde coworker: And I was like “way to throw me under the rug!”
Brunette coworker: Umm… it's “under the bus.” “Way to throw me under the bus.”
Male coworker: Get it? It hurts. If you were thrown under a bus it would hurt.
Blonde coworker: Well, it would hurt if someone was walking on the rug and you was under it!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: jen
Worker #1: We grilled chicken hearts the other night.
Worker #2: Really? Like, how big are they?
Worker #1, gesturing: Not very. We have to make several skewers full because they are so little.
Worker #2: Do you even know how many chickens it takes to get one heart? Poor things!
Virginia
Coworker #1: Look at this guy, he's all dressed up today. What a fag!
Coworker #2: I was gonna wear jeans, but my dog jumped all over me this morning.
Coworker #1: You got a tie under there too? Jesus Christ, what a fag!
Bedford, Massachusetts
Office woman #1, listening to police scanner: Why are all those stupid people out in the rain?
Office woman #2: I understand that when it's time to leave work, you want to leave.
Office guy: I would rather drown than spend another hour here at work than I have to.
Norfolk, Virginia
Overheard by: Underpaid
