Automotive claims adjuster: I don't know if I should pay to lube this thing, or if I should just shove the sucker in and hope it does its thing.
Addison, Texas
Worker: I need you to pick up one of my kids, since you're already out there.
Peon: Why? What happened?
Worker: She missed the bus…again. Oh, wait, it gets better. It was the short bus. How do you miss the freaking short bus? It waits for you! The cherry on top of the sundae is that this is the second time it's happened.
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Male phone representative to female customer: Mmm… Okay… Yeah… Am I married?
Call Center
Beaverton, Oregon
Girl behind counter: So we open the oyster up, and inside we will find a pearl.
Middle aged American tourist: Wow, that is amazing! Does this hurt them?
Girl: Yes, this kills them.
Tourist: What! Can't you restart their brains or something?
Japanese Department Store, EPCOT Centre
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: mark shale
Office worker in cube: There's a weird dead baby smell in here. What is that?
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Cubicle dweller: Hopefully I can get Mark* to fill my slot.
Manhattan, New York
Employee on phone: Last name is “Loveless,” as in Artemus Loveless from Wild Wild West. You know, the movie with Will Smith? (awkward pause) Well, I loved the movie.
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: WillSmithFan1
Employee friend: So, is everybody getting laid off then?
Executive friend: Not everybody.
(employee friend smiles)
Executive friend: Just everybody that wasn't on the commonwealth* project.
Employee friend: I wasn't on the commonwealth project.
Executive friend: Oh, yeah, uh…
Beacon Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I WAS on the Project!!!
Loopy office lady: Oh, in the winter I only drink decaf, but in the summer, I drink coffee with one shot of Kahlua, one shot of Baileys, and one scoop of vanilla ice cream. Oh, yeah! And one shot of amaretto.
Office Park
Murray, Utah
Overheard by: I'm the sucker with cream only.
Sales manager: What's that picture from?
R&D assistant: It's from our Christmas party.
Sales manager: I've never seen a fat Filipino hitman before.
Los Alamitos, California
Overheard by: Cat
