Tourist woman: You know, honey, you should drink more. We're at a high elevation. You don't drink enough.
Visibly drunk tourist man: What are you talking about? I drink all the time! I drink a ton. I was just drinking… It's just not water.

Old Faithful Village
Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming

Overheard by: a ranger who is wondering why she works here

Tour group mom #1, in stall: Isn't this bathroom gorgeous?
Tour group mom #2, also in stall: Yes! I was just thinking that!
Tour group mom #1: The floor is so pretty!
Tour group mom #2: And it doesn't smell, which is sooo impressive.

Loyola University
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Dean's Admin

Girl behind counter: So we open the oyster up, and inside we will find a pearl.
Middle aged American tourist: Wow, that is amazing! Does this hurt them?
Girl: Yes, this kills them.
Tourist: What! Can't you restart their brains or something?

Japanese Department Store, EPCOT Centre
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: mark shale

Irish trader: There are always girls crying and falling over when I haven’t even touched them.

New York City, New York

Burly visitor: You know, a breach goat is never good.

Nashville, Tennessee

Tourist: Excuse me, do you know where Randall's log cabins is located?
Local clerk: Randall's log cabins?
Tourist: Yes, do you know where they are located?
Local clerk: Where they are located?
Tourist: Yes, they are somewhere in this area.
Local clerk: In this area?
Tourist: Yes, do you know where they are?
Local clerk:Do I know where they are?
Tourist: Yes, Randall's log cabins, I need directions to it.
Local clerk: You need directions?
Tourist: How about a map, do you have a map of this area?
Local clerk: Do I have a map of this area?

Pigeon Forge, Tennessee

Overheard by: jocko james

Tourist to vendor: Do you know where I can buy kosher pork chops?

North Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Eavesdropping Jew

Photographer: So there I am in my hotel room and there’s hundreds of malaria mosquitos just flying around, and I’m thinking, “Well, isn’t this great?”

333 North Meridian Avenue
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Overheard by: fransen comes alive