Waiter, I’ll Have the Couch Potato with a Side of Gullible

Caller: I just arrived at my lake house for the summer, and the satellite TV isn’t working! Why is it off?!
CSR: Sir, please stay calm. It’s simple: we just need to reset your receiver since you’ve been away for a while.
Caller: How long will that take?
CSR: It’s easy, sir. Do you have a potato handy?
Caller: Um, let me see… [Pause] Yes, we just picked some up at the store on our way in — stocking up.
CSR: Great, sir. An apple would also work. Now, what I need you to do is to cut that potato in half. Then I need you place one half of the potato face-down on top of your receiver. Please make sure it’s dry.
Caller: What?
CSR: Trust me, sir, I’m a professional. We’ll have your service back on in no time.
Caller: Okay… [Long pause] Alright, done. Now what?
CSR: Great, sir. The potato will act upon your receiver’s magnetic field and will bring the service back online momentarily. It’s a built-in security feature so that no one can use your dish while you’re away for most of the year.

CSR presses service reset button, remote satellite transmits ‘wake up’ signal to inactive receiver, TV comes on.

Caller: That’s amazing! Who’d have thought… a potato! Will this work every time?
CSR: Just give us a call if you have any problems in the future, and thank you for using this service.

Bradford Drive
Huntsville, Alabama

Posted on November 9, 2015
Alabama, Customer Service, Dumb Customers, General Idiocy, On the phone, Technology

5PM That’s a Wrap

Customer #1: Does the Peaks Island Ferry go to Peaks Island?
Ticket agent: Yes.
Customer#1: Does it come back?
Customer #2: No, it’s the barge to Hades. It only goes one way.

Casco Bay Lines Ferry Terminal
Portland, Maine

Overheard by: Jeff Jenks

Posted on October 10, 2015
Dumb Customers, General Idiocy, Insults, New England

Lame Duck Car Buyers

Old woman: How dare you pick me up in a truck? I drive a Cadillac and you pick me up in a truck?! This is the last Cadillac I ever buy from you!
Manager: That’s not much of a threat, now, is it? Seriously, look at you. I mean, there’s not a lot of Cadillacs left in you, is there?

Car dealership
Ohio

Posted on October 4, 2015
Bosses, Compliments, Dumb Customers, Gripes, Insults, Midwest, Ohio, Retail, Threats

Usher: At Last! Someone Who Needs Me!

Employee handing customer a ticket: Enjoy your movie.
Customer: Where do I go?

Palm Beach Gardens, Florida

Posted on September 28, 2015
Advice, Dumb Customers, Florida

I’d Almost Rather Go with Extensions

Suburban housewife: So, then she explained to me what a Brazilian wax was, and I was like, ‘I don’t know…’

Salon
Dunwoody, Georgia

Overheard by: Ang

Posted on September 22, 2015
Dumb Customers, Georgia, Gossip

…Here's a Telescope

Clueless customer: Hi, I'm looking for this book that I read a review about, I was wondering if you could help me.
Knows-the-drill employee: Okay, what's the title?
Clueless customer: I don't remember.
Knows-the-drill employee: Do you know who wrote it?
Clueless customer: No… I know that the book had a yellow cover, though.
Knows-the-drill employee: Okay, let's see what we can find here in yellow…

Mays Landing, New Jersey

Posted on September 17, 2015
Arts, Colors, Dumb Customers, Employees, General Idiocy, New Jersey, Offers and requests

‘Cause of Admission’

Patient looking at insurance form: Where this says ‘Relation to patient,’ what do I put?
Insurance employee: You can put ‘Husband,’ ‘Spouse’… ‘Love slave.’

6721 Lake Harbour Drive
Midlothian, Virginia

Overheard by: Pip

Posted on September 15, 2015
Dumb Customers, Possible Sexual Harassment, Virginia

2PM Billable Hour

Lawyer: So are you sleeping with my wife or what?
Client: [Rob], you’re hilarious.
Lawyer: ‘Cause you know, you can get her pregnant. I don’t even care.

11755 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California