Secretary: I’ve been meaning to ask you a question.
Lawyer: Sure, what’s up?
Secretary: So you’re Indian, right? I’m going to an Indian funeral today. And I’m not sure how to act.
Lawyer: Well…you’re not supposed to laugh.
Secretary: But they’re so Indian that they’re going to have her cremated.
Lawyer: That doesn’t mean you can laugh. Also wear all white.
1425 K Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: callmeahab
Woman #1: I haven’t had a haircut since my friend died.
Woman #2: Why not?
Woman #1: She used to do my hair for nothing.
Woman #2: Well, it looks like a fucking Brillo pad now. I’d throw some money at your head, and fast!
365 W Passaic Street
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Woman on phone: I thought that once my father died, my mom would be happy. But that was 25 years ago, and she's still miserable.
Huntington, New York
Co-worker: If I killed someone, he would totally lie to the police for me. Either he would be my alibi or he would lie and say he did it so I could be free.
225 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Am I Next
Co-worker on phone: Yeah, my cat died around 2AM, so obviously I worked from home the next day. Yeah…yeah…
22265 Pacific Boulevard
Dulles, Virginia
Temp: We found some old mice in the trashcan. I don’t really think they belong in there.
Tech guy: I think that’s a problem for facilities. Are they dead or alive?
Maryville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Cinderella
Older woman: Yes, I have fifteen years of commission-only sales experience, and I’m accustomed to traveling four days out of the week.
Interviewer: Oh, um, well that’s great. Um, yes, some of our new hires don’t like traveling because it’s so lonely and can be far from home and, um, you know, like solitudish and lonely.
Older woman: That’s okay with me. Travel is fine, but I can’t travel for three weeks out and one week home. I have two cats. I can leave them for four days at a time but not three weeks.
Interviewer: Oh. Well, that’s unfortunate ’cause we really would like you for the job. Well, um, if something would happen that would mean you could take this job, um, like I won’t get into what that would be or anything morbid or sad or anything…but you could always re-apply.
6500 Matalin Place
Louisville, Kentucky
Desk jockey: Be sure to check the status of that process, we have to make sure we didn't wipe out 20,000 people.
Akron, Ohio
Female coworker #1: Squiggy committed suicide last night.
[Long pause.]Female coworker #1: He seems to have jumped out of the tank and shriveled up on the desk top… so it looks like I’ll be getting another guppy.
Female coworker #2: Looks like it.
Female coworker #1: Or… Yeah, I guess I’ll get another guppy.
Baltimore, Maryland
