Customer: I don’t understand why you can’t keep up with production.
Program manager: You aren’t following the rules. You are running twice the daily quoted volumes.
Customer: But we are still under the yearly volumes. You just need to plan better.
Program manager: I can’t just shit capacity out of my ass!
5540 Parque Industrial
Ciudad Juarez, Mexico
Customer: I don't know if I should get the two years subscription, I might not live that long.
Employee: How old are you?
Customer: 68.
Employee: Well, Tom*, that's a crapshoot.
Harrisburg, North Carolina
Employee #1: Yeah, it was a great porno. Yeah, she was all up on his taint. The taint. You know the part between the meat and the hole? Yeah, that.
Employee #2, on the phone with customer: (cringe)
Customer on phone: Excuse me…
Employee #2: Umm, yes ma'am?
Customer: Was that man talking about balls?
Pizza Place
Long Island, New York
Counter girl: Did I tell you I almost got locked up last night?
Male customer: Fo’ what?
Counter girl: I took my homegirl’s car and rode over to my baby daddy’s momma house. Po-lice got me going through a light. I was like, “Shit, man, I got weed and a rock in my joint, and my shit’s suspended, yo.”
Male customer: That’s some Cops shit, girl!
Girl: Fo’ reals…But I worked my way out with a warning, got my baby, went home, and smoked that shit.
11th Street & F Street
Washington, DC
Overheard by: suddenly not hungry
Customer #1 (sitting in waiting area waiting for prescription for 40 minutes): (cough cough hack hack wheeze)
Customer #2: Oh, you sound awful, I hope you haven't been waiting long.
Customer #1: I've been here for almost an hour watching the dance of the dipshits that's going on behind the counter.
Customer #2: There's entertainment now?
CVS Pharmacy
Hamilton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Currrly!
Male computer tech to male computer user: Hey, if you let me get between you legs I can fix that issue.
Las Vegas, Nevada
Woman on phone to cable company: Okay. Hey, hold on a sec. (yells into the phone) Don't go meet him, he's gonna stab you! I know he stabbed your brother, that's why I think he's gonna stab you too! (pause) Fine! if you want to get stabbed don't come crying to me. Just make sure you bring your phone so you can call 911, okay? Sorry about that…now what do I do next?
Call center rep: Uhh, I think I need to report this call.
Woman: Why?
Time Warner Call Center
Albany, New York
Overheard by: Dani
