Customers

Customer: I need to get a dozen and a half, mixed.
Clerk, counting on her day-glo orange fingernails: It’d be cheaper if you got 18.
Customer: What’s the difference?
Clerk: ten cents.
Smirking customer: Ok, I’ll take 18.

Dunkin’ Donuts
Columbia, South Carolina

Overheard by: are u kidding me?

Secretary to irate victim on the phone: Well, ma'am, perhaps it would help if you could remember the name of the prosecutor who handled your case…
Irate victim: Well… I don't remember his name, but I can tell you he was the meanest son of a bitch in that office!
Secretary, sighing: Ma'am, I'm afraid you're going to have to be much more specific than that.

Virginia

Overheard by: Nice Little Lemur Girl

Barista handing toast to customer: You're all buttered up and ready to rock and roll!

Redlands, California

Overheard by: snotting_espresso

Guard to woman, as metal detector beeps at her: Please step over here, ma'am.
Woman: I don't carry sharp objects on me…except my wit.
Guard: Please.

LAX Security Check-In
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: 2Aron

85-year-old client: I’ve been sick all morning but I’ll tell you what: the best way to cure diarrhea is by drinking wine!
Sales manager on phone: Oh… Um… Really?

Hotel
Dulles, Virginia

Overheard by: Rather Disgusted

Bridezilla-to-be on cell in lounge: … Yeah, but, like, his family is just so different than ours, Mom! They’re lower class and aren’t used to spending a lot of money on stuff like that!

Insurance company
Grand Rapids, Michigan

Employee on phone: I was just calling to confirm that we can show your house all this weekend. I know you don’t usually show on Saturdays, but since you’ll be out of town for the weekend, can we show on Saturday also?
Eccentric homeowner: Oh, no! The Sabbath is for eternity!

Real estate office
Annapolis, Maryland

Overheard by: K the Amazing Receptionist

Client: It doesn’t sound as if the rep really understands the product. Does she need more training?
Account Manager: Oh, she understands the product. She just can’t explain it.

6665 N. Macarthur Boulevard
Irving, Texas

Woman ordering: Guess what I want today!
Sandwich guy: The usual?
Woman ordering, completely seriously: Yeah, except I'm going to change a few things up. Like…the bread and the stuff on it, ya know?

Cafeteria
Horsham, Pennsylvania

Lawyer to client: I have a concealed handgun license. I used to carry my gun with me all the time, but then I found out it's illegal to carry a weapon and be intoxicated.

Guadalupe Street
Austin, Texas