(Woman puts groceries on checkstand, including home pregnancy test.)
Male clerk: Man, I have been selling a lot of these lately!
(Woman laughs nervously.)
Male clerk to female clerk, waving test in the air: Haven’t you been selling a lot of these?
Female clerk: Yeah, I have! It must be spring, you know how people get!
(Woman is now horrified.)
Male clerk, handing woman her groceries: Well, good luck either way!
Safeway
Phoenix, Arizona
Overheard by: Really? Really?
Manager, in a panic: We sent a box of sex toys to the wrong customer!
Employee #1: Where did it go?
Manager: Jamaica.
Employee #1: Wasn’t it supposed to go to Barbados?
Manager: Yeah…
Employee #2: Not my fault! You can’t blame me!
Miami, Florida
(in a crowded elevator there is a brief, unidentifiable noise)
Co-worker #1 (in Japanese): Keiko*, did you just fart?
Co-worker #2 (in Japanese): Well, my asshole *is* kind of loose lately.
(all Japanese in elevator burst out laughing)
Co-worker #2: What?
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Minivet
Female coworker: What does “truncated” mean?
Male coworker: It’s like… If you shortened an elephant’s trunk, it would be truncated.
(pause)
Female coworker: But this e-mail doesn’t even say anything about elephants.
Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Babar
Customer service rep: Aaaaahhhhhhh!
Planner: What’s wrong??
Customer service rep: I just saw a mouse!
Planner: Um, yeah, so? That’s just George.
Customer service rep: What?
Planner: Sometimes George likes to come out and play.
Plainfield Pike, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Stuck in my cube
Trainer: He’s a great guy, but he’s very… How should I put this?
New hire: Anal?
Trainer: Yes. I love anal.
Eagan, Minnesota
Accounting drone: Is someone eating fucking jockstraps and dirty socks now? There really needs to be some kind of restrictions on the food people are allowed to eat in here. How about a guideline like: “If it smells like a dead hooker, treat it like a dead hooker and eat it in your car.”? Thank god we don’t have any Indian programmers.
Milwaukee Street
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Front desk agent #1: So anything involving more than five people is considered a gang-bang then, since you don’t have “five-some”. That just sounds weird.
Front desk agent #2: It has to do more with the girl-to-guy ratio. If the ratio is close to one to one, then it’s an orgy. Otherwise, it’s a gang-bang.
Vancouver
Canadia
Overheard by: Lobby Patron
Wisconsinite on a diet, talking about quitting her walking team: I quit the stepping. Right now I am focusing all my energy on not eating cheese.
Eden Prairie, Minnesota
Overheard by: Nic
Accountant: A Charlie Brown Christmas was on the other day and me and my sister were watching it when Peppermint Patty opened her mouth and a man’s voice popped out. I turned to my sister and said: “Oh my god! Peppermint Patty’s a big ol’ dyke! Turn that damn thing off!”
Secretary: I was raised by a lesbian couple.
Accountant: Oh… Oh, I’m sorry.
Sixth Avenue
Nashville, Tennessee
