Compare and contrast

My Sanity Has Reached Its Final Frontier

Illustrator #1: What is the difference between a libertarian and a Republican?
Illustrator #2: Do you know what a Vulcan is?
Illustrator #1: Uh… I guess, like Mr Spock.
Illustrator #2: Well, a Republican is to a libertarian what a Vulcan is to a Romulan.
Illustrator #1: What the hell is a Romulan?
Illustrator #2: Well, they look like Vulcans, but they are more… Well, on the original show they represented the USSR.
Illustrator #1: So, a libertarian is a communist?
Illustrator #2: Well, no. Okay, do you know what a Centauran is?
Illustrator #1: No, and please don't tell me.

Greenville, Texas

Overheard by: Michael Philippus

You Do Have to Appreciate That She's Willing to Walk a Mile in Someone Else's Shoes

50-year-old receptionist, about interviewee: I didn't like her. The interviewers aren't going to like her. She's not going to get the job. I can just tell these things.
Recruiter: What did she do that you didn't like about her?
50-year-old receptionist: Her shoes were too big for her. Probably a half size, maybe even a whole size too big! Ugh! (rolls eyes)

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: yikes

Tonight on The Orifice

Good looking male computer geek: Her nick is “slutpants.” That sounds… promising.
African American geek: Girl, don't even act like you don't have a pair of slut pants.
Ginger geek: I'm so slutty I don't wear pants!
African American geek: You're gonna get gonorrhea.
Ginger geek: I'd rather get syph. It's the romantic STD.
Good looking male computer geek: Well, too bad you're going to get gonorrhea!

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

More Like BBC

PhD student #1: We need something that's heavy and puts you to sleep.
PhD student #2: Like cheese?
PhD student #1: No, not like cheese.

University of Århus
Denmark

…But Personally I Prefer Upright in a Swing.

Young coworker: You're on top of things today.
80-year-old coworker: It's always good to be on top… Well, unless you're tired, then the bottom is better.

Mount Prospect, Illinois

And Then It Turned Out That You're Thin.

HR director: You guys aren't what I expected. I expected something less professional. I didn't expect suits.
Sales guy: Well, we expected you to be fat and ugly.

Hospital
Kansas City, Kansas

And I Love the Purple

Coworker, on phone on other side of cubicle: No, no, you don't look like Barney. You look good.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Now I've Got That Song In My Head

First the Man Has a Thought, Then the Thought Has the Man

Salesman to another: I don't know if it was that bad or if it just got it in my mind and then it assaulted me!

Bessemer, Alabama

It's Actually a Coffin, but Whatever

Consultant on speaker phone: How about now? Is that better?
Meeting attendees: Yeah, much better, what did you do?
Consultant on speaker phone: I got out of bed and took you off speaker phone.

Minneapolis, Texas

Tonight's Movie: He's Just Not That Far Into You

Slutty girl: Ugh, I feel all queasy today. Like even the smell of water makes me want to puke.
Girl #1: Last time I felt like that I was pregnant.
Slutty girl: Don't say that!
Girl #2: When was the last time you got some?
Slutty girl: Like two weeks ago. Oh, but never mind, Dave's* dick was so small there's no way I'm pregnant.

Texas

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