Obnoxious coworker on conference call: Well, if a Dachshund is the amount of time you have, and you use a giraffe to represent growth… People will be laughing.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Obnoxious coworker on conference call: Well, if a Dachshund is the amount of time you have, and you use a giraffe to represent growth… People will be laughing.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Tech #1: Is Victor* here?
Tech #2: No–if I'm here it means Victor's in Chapel Hill.
Tech #1: Oh, I was going to tell him there's a butterfly outside.
Tech #2: A butterfly?
Tech #1: I know how he likes them.
Tech #2: Is it big?
Tech #1: It's a good one.
Tech #2: I'd like to go look.
(they both leave)
North Carolina
Professor: We need this paper to be huge! I want people to fear us when we go to meetings… We need to be like male elephants!
Grad student #1: You want me to grow tusks?
Grad student #2: You want me to grow big ears?
Professor: No! We need to pee all over everything!
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
VP of marketing: If you used a duck, you’d somehow have to tie it into a kid who was killed by a drunk driver who loved ducks.
30 E, 33rd Street
New York, NY
Coworker #1, eating lunch: What have you got there? Steak?
Coworker #2: No, it's lamb.
Coworker #1: What's the difference?
Coworker #2: It comes from a lamb.
Waltham, Massachusetts
First-time father of twins to female coworker: So, when do newborns open their eyes?
Coworker: Um…it's not like kittens, babies are born with their eyes open.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Dea at work
HR rep: Oh, yeah…I was going to do that. But then I got distracted by the festive donkeys.
Brooklyn Center, Minnesota
HR manager: Why does she keep calling it a guidebook? It's an employee handbook! A guidebook is for when you go to the Cayman Islands and need to find a donkey!
Norwalk, Connecticut
Employee #1: I wish we still had dinosaurs. That would be awesome!
Employee #2: Are you high?
Employee #1: No, no, no. I'm just saying, it would totally solve the goose problem.
McLean, Virginia
