Man on phone: Okay, so I heard you have a raccoon in your freezer.
[Pause]Man on phone: How did it get there?
[Pause]Man on phone: Did you kill it? What do you plan do with its body? What do you mean no one wants it?
S. Sycamore Street
Elizabethton
Tennessee
Overheard by: concerned for the racoon
Police officer (signing to the tune of Animal Crackers in My Soup): I like maggots in my soup…
Police Department
Randolph, New Jersey
Salesperson, leaving voicemail for customer: Hey there, it's me! Guess you're out killing Bambi–call me back when you get back in town!
Austin, Texas
Male coworker: So are you going to go learn about Peruvian hamsters today?
Female coworker, sighing: Yes.
Male coworker: Do you think if we do this he'll be better?
Female coworker: I've realized that *nothing* that we do will make him better. So we might as well do the nice thing.
Male coworker: Damn!
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: rodents unite
Food court employee #1: I think I have a lizard tail growin’ out of my butt!
Food court employee #2: Oh, I see it!
Allegheny College
Meadville, Pennsylvania
Female employee to boss: I think those are spider monkeys! My friend had two…
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Creative Bunny
Manager: Do you remember the cartoon where they hold the dog down and pour gravy down its throat? Great cartoon, that.
Melbourne
Australia
Manager: Would you like to buy a Lab?
Subordinate: Like, a meth lab?
Manager: Umm, no. Like, a dog.
Little Rock, Arkansas
Boss: The funniest thing just happened. I’ve had a banana in my bag for like a month. When I opened my bag a whole bunch of gnats flew out!
Underling: Is that why there are flys all over our windowless office?
Boss: No.
10201 W. Pico Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Obnoxious coworker on conference call: Well, if a Dachshund is the amount of time you have, and you use a giraffe to represent growth… People will be laughing.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
