Dad: Son, do not be inept when you grow up.
Son: What is “inept”?
Dad: Ridiculously bad at your job.
Son: No promises there, dad.
Washington, Illinois
Overheard by: Laura
Dad: Son, do not be inept when you grow up.
Son: What is “inept”?
Dad: Ridiculously bad at your job.
Son: No promises there, dad.
Washington, Illinois
Overheard by: Laura
Receptionist: Hey, help me with this list. The boss wants me to go to the store and get some stuff for the coffee room. You know, stuff like filters and cups and stuff. But I can’t figure out what these icet rays are.
HR clerk: Let me see the list…Sweetie, this says ice trays. You know, for the freezer to freeze water into cubes.
Receptionist: Are you sure? Because if the boss wants icet rays, that’s what I better get.
HR clerk: Well okay, if you really want icet rays, try the office supply store and make them check in the back. You may have to ask for their manager.
Receptionist: Thanks, see you in a little while.
HR clerk: You know, I should have used that opportunity to sell her a bridge.
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Attorney: I’m so pregnant… My husband always says, ‘Honey, you’re a whale!’ And then I tell him, ‘Shut up! You’re an immigrant!’
Admin: You should really stop saying that to him.
Attorney: Well, he is, and it’s a term of endearment! Like when I call you a dirty whore!
Hackensack, New Jersey
Female employee to boss: I think those are spider monkeys! My friend had two…
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Creative Bunny
Co-worker #1 on intercom: [Renee], you have a call on line one.
Co-worker #2 on intercom: [Brenda], there is a call on line 3 for you.
Boss on intercom: All right, people. We have to stop using this all-over-the-building page thing for no good reason.
1710 Roy Acuff Place
Nashville, Tennessee
Woman on phone: Crocodile Dundee in his underwear! (pause) Y'all have fun!
Chattanooga, Tennessee
Employee #1: Sometimes I just get caught up in all this stuff, it’s so hectic.
Employee #2: You have to stop once in a while and find some sunshine.
Employee #1: I’d rather just find some moonshine.
50 West State Street
Trenton, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jimmy Fingers
Obnoxious coworker on conference call: Well, if a Dachshund is the amount of time you have, and you use a giraffe to represent growth… People will be laughing.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
President: Thank you for coming to our annual Christmas party. Where do you work?
New guy’s new girl: I’m in private wealth management.
President: You seem very nice. Can I give you one piece of advice?
New guy’s new girl: Sure.
President: Don’t wait too long to get married and have kids.
1 Cranberry Hill
Lexington, Massachusetts
