Employee #1: Did you google it?
Employee #2: A while ago, yeah, but I didn't find anything.
Employee #3: Well… Google harder!
Denver, Colorado
20-something woman to 50-something man: I am not telling you what a Dirty Sanchez is. If you’re so interested just Google it!
Oak Park, Michigan
Supervisor: I think my bird is dying. What should I do?
Coworker #1: Put it in a bag and tie it to your car exhaust.
Coworker #2: Put it in the freezer.
Coworker #3: Put in a bag and whack it.
Supervisor: You people scare me… Go back to work.
Chicago, Illinois
Sales girl: Oh my god… David* is back there cleaning his office and the smell is making my head hurt.
Office manager: What’s he cleaning it with?
Sales girl: The same Fantastic crap under the sink that we all use. I’ve used it on my own desk and never been so overwhelmed by the fumes. Don’t go back there.
Office manager: Why is he cleaning it himself anyway?
Sales girl: I don’t know. (pause) He must be bathing in it. Seriously, I had to get up and walk away.
Office manager: Just close his door.
Sales girl, appalled: I can’t do that! The fumes would kill him! It would be fatal!
Office manager, grabbing her arm: Close the door. Close. The. Door.
England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Worker bee #1: I’ve never had a Hungry Man meal before.
Worker bee #2: It’s not bad. Just don’t pretend you’re eating real food.
Austin, Texas
Asian guy: Hey, look! A butterfly!
White guy: Why don’t you go catch it? That’s what Asians do.
Asian guy: No, we catch flies.
White guy: With fucking chopsticks?
Asian guy: Yeah, but if you give me two cigarettes I could probably use those.
Parkland Avenue
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Gloria
Peon #1: I'm sorry. I was trying to apply logic to it.
Peon #2: You can't do that. This is a corporation.
San Francisco, California
Lawyer on phone: Homeless strippers?… Dude, you don’t want to hook up with a homeless stripper.
Empire State Building
New York, New York
Overheard by: temporary paralegal
Man: Well, nobody can believe you’re single and attractive.
Woman: Maybe I should just buy a wedding ring.
420 Ramona Street
Palo Alto, California
Overheard by: My Good Ear
Woman: Now feel this one. Don’t be afraid to show your lady customers the heftier pen. Some women like to have something with a larger diameter in their hand.
Washington, DC
