Sales rep: I’ve been trying to get them to cut off my leg to the knee. All you got to do is polish it once a month!
Northpoint
San Francisco, California
Sales rep: I’ve been trying to get them to cut off my leg to the knee. All you got to do is polish it once a month!
Northpoint
San Francisco, California
Law school student: I should have been a porn star.
Peachtree Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Customer: I would like four chocolate chip, four raisin, and four cinnamon crunch bagels to go, please.
Employee: [Turns to look at bagel rack, turns back to customer.] I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t sell you those.
Customer: But you have four of each sitting right there.
Employee: [Looks back at bagel rack.] But those are the last of our special bagels, and they are reserved for our in-store customers.
Customer: But I’m in your store, and I want to buy your bagels.
Employee: But my manager said I can’t sell those to go.
Customer: So let me get this straight. You’re selling bagels, I want to buy bagels, but you won’t sell me your bagels?
Employee: Well, yes… but it’s my manager…
Customer: How bout I speak to your manager?
Employee: [Gets on phone, whispers to manager, comes back to counter.] Okay, I’ll sell you the bagels.
Customer, under breath: Holy shit.
Panera Bread
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: kim
Ghetto coworker: My son loves his car, he says he wants to get buried in it. I tell him he’s crazy, but it is a really nice car. It’s an Oldsmobuick* convertible, cocaine white…
Not-so-ghetto coworker: Cocaine white?
Ghetto coworker: Yeah, you know that really pearly white color?
Not-so-ghetto coworker, sarcastically: Does it have meth-yellow trim?
Ghetto coworker, oblivious: No, just white. But I tell him he’s crazy, it would never work. When they put in the dirt it would cave in the roof!
Modesto, California
Overheard by: That’s not my job.
Office crony #1: Did you hear about the mid-air collision in California?
Office crony #2: Briefly, why?
Office crony #1: I wonder if there’s anyone out in California I don’t like?
Office crony #2: I don’t think so.
Office crony #1: Just my luck…
West Cummings Park
Woburn, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Chuckie Choo
Black female coworker: Oooh, honey, I love me some fags. Fags is the best girlfriends.
White queer coworker: That’s ’cause we all want to be black women!
White female coworker: Can the rest of us get workplace diversity hours for listening to this shit?
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Giggling in my cube
Peon #1: But you don’t drink that coffee.
Peon #2: I just want something down my throat.
Peon #1: Oh, you shouldn’t say that.
Peon #2: I mean I just want something warm down my throat.
Peon #1: You shouldn’t say that either.
Stevens Creek Boulevard
Cupertino, California
Co-worker to boss: You wanna hear how self-centered I am?
Boss: Please!
Los Angeles, California
Editor: I want a story about a person.
Intern: What kind?
Editor: Oh, I don’t know. But it could be a lollipop man, who straps a rocket to the back of his lollipop, and now flies to New York in five seconds.
Edinburgh
Scotland
