Trader #1: I'm down.
Partner: I wish I were down as much as I'm down.
Trader #2: Doesn't he mean he wishes he were down as much as you are down?
Trader #1: It's okay, my dad messes up all the time too. I just translate in my head.
New York City, New York
Overheard by: dp
Sales associate #1: So I might go to Japan.
Sales associate #2: You should go. I would be Japanese as shit.
Sales associate #1: The only reason I wouldn't would be to get my degree in pharmaceuticals.
Sales associate #2: Oh. You should do that. I always need drugs.
Clothes Store
Williamsburg, New York
Copy editor: I'm just going to knock on his door and hope he's not naked.
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: Parakeet #1
Female Asian coworker: I need to lose weight. I'm considered fat for an Asian girl.
Male Asian coworker: But you're more like a black girl. Asian men don't want the normal Asian girl. We're tired of body surfing!
Chambers Street
New York City, New York
Overheard by: uncivil servant
Coworker #1: Yes, I am so sick of this dog… and I haven't even taken it home yet.
Coworker #2: Wait until it starts peeing and pooping all over the place. Puppies do that until you get them trained.
Coworker #1: I wish it could just watch a tape and be trained.
River Road
Conshohocken, Pennsylvania
Woman (looking at new drinks): I don't need more drinks to choose from. I'm not that interested in beverages. I like my Diet Coke, I like my vodka, and that's all I need.
Lakeshore Drive
Birmingham, Alabama
Female coworker: You're my best friend and I love you and all but I just really don't want to Wikipedia Greek porn with you ever again.
Male coworker: It's not porn, it's art! They're etchings.
Female coworker: Whatever. Ewwww.
Male coworker: Seriously. Wow. Ewww. (looks around room) Ummm, yeah, I think I need to go cry in the executive shower.
McKemmy
Chandler, Arizona
Male work-study student: I was gonna give a dozen roses to this girl I liked, but I decided not to. Do you want them?
Female full-time professional: If anyone's gonna give me 12 of anything it's gonna be inches.
University
El Paso, Texas
New client: Excuse me, but I think there's been a mistake. I don't need to see an attorney. I thought I made an appointment to meet with a legal aide… A legal… You know… What are they called?
Legal assistant: No, ma'am. Everyone meets with the attorney. They are the only ones qualified to give legal advice. Otherwise it's considered practicing law without a license.
New client: But I don't need legal advice, I just need someone to tell me what the law says!
Country Club Road
Eugene, Oregon
