Co-Worker: If you’re happy and you know it…?
Co-Worker’s 2-year-old daughter: …don’t touch a knife!
1065 Williams Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: manda b
Co-Worker: If you’re happy and you know it…?
Co-Worker’s 2-year-old daughter: …don’t touch a knife!
1065 Williams Street
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: manda b
Man: Was this in DC?
Woman: No! It was in Maryland, where I live! Right behind my condo building! I was so upset!
Man: Huh.
Woman: If I had a gun, I tell you what: I would have shot him as he was running away. I was so upset. The little bitch would have been dead. [She exits the elevator] Have a blessed day!
5600 Fishers Lane
Rockville, Maryland
Overly exuberant raffle organizer: I'll drag someone in, blindfold them, and say “stick your hand in this!”
New England
Overheard by: Dude
Salesperson #1: Violence is okay…just as long as no one is enjoying it.
Salesperson #2: What about spanking?
850 Third Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Effina
Overworked peon: I told Julia to take a box cutter to your jugular if she saw you come in.
Boss: That's not nice!
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Soapnana
Woman (after manager jokingly pats her on the back): Hey, don’t be coming in here hitting me!
Manager: No, no, I wouldn’t do that. I haven’t hit a woman in a long time. You know when the last time I hit a woman was? It was my ex-wife, and it was goooooood. I spent two days in jail, but it was worth it. It was soooo worth it. They had to wire her jaw shut. Six weeks. Six weeks of silence.
Woman: That’s nice, but could you leave now, please?”
Wilmington, North Carolina
Broker #1: Why is she laughing?
Broker #2: She already told you — she thinks it’s funny to buy gag candy and make everyone in the office fart.
Broker #1 laughs.
Broker #2: I mean, she’s so young. We all want to kill the other people in the office and she just wants to make them fart.
Broker #1: Look at her, she’s still laughing.
Broker #2: Ah, youth. All they do is giggle.
399 Park Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: LH
Male interviewer: So where are you from?
Female applicant: I’m from here, but all my family is from Vietnam.
Male interviewer: Yeah? My ex-wife is from Vietnam. Ever since that war over there, I haven’t really been a fan of wars, ya know?
Doc Green’s, Cumberland Boulevard
Atlanta, Georgia
(two bosses are arguing)
Coworker #1: They are going to kill each other.
Coworker #2: Good, then we don't have to be bothered with them anymore.
School of Dentistry
University of Michigan
Overheard by: I love my job, I love my job, I love my job
Worker: When he used to work here, I literally left work one day and spent ten minutes trying to figure out where I could park my car so I could shoot him when he left and not get caught.
Main Street
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: frightened newbie
