Worker #1: I wish I lived in a time where we could call women what they really are.
Worker #2: What should we call them?
Worker #1: Whores.
Herndon, Virginia
Worker #1: I wish I lived in a time where we could call women what they really are.
Worker #2: What should we call them?
Worker #1: Whores.
Herndon, Virginia
Employee: I ordered 2448 washers today! What did you get done?
Boss: I took a big shit this morning.
Philadelphia, PA
Associate to customer on phone about beef recall: We are only recalling meat with the dates April 28th through June 6th on it.
Customer: Well, mine is dated June 23rd. Can I eat it?
Associate: Yes, ma'am. That's not in our recall dates.
Customer: Are you sure it's safe?
Associate: Yes ma'am. That meat wasn't part of the recall.
Customer: What were the dates again?
Associate: April 28th to June 6th.
Customer: So, I won't die?
Associate: Ma'am, unless you plan on smearing it on a pig and eating it raw, you are going to be fine.
Yarmouth, Maine
Coworker #1: So, if I bought a bottle of vodka…
Coworker #2: It's 9:25 am.
Manhattan, New York
Boss on phone: I’m the entrepreneur type — I shoot from the hip. I figure I’ll fix it when I’m finished messing it up.
Hayward Avenue
Carteret, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jay-B
Office mate: Someday I'm going to have to crawl under my desk and pick up my husband…
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: Andrea
Employee: I worked 12 hours over this month, so I have some comp time on the books. I need to use 30 minutes of that tomorrow so I can leave a little early to go to the doctor.
Boss: Well, I don’t think that’s going to work. There are only 5 other people here that afternoon, and I am taking a two hour lunch tomorrow.
1600 Charleston Avenue
Mattoon, Illinois
Assistant: You ever do something repeatedly–so much, that you’re like, “Whoa, this isn’t real. I’m not doing this!”?
Intern: Umm…
Assistant: Like, when you’re staring at your face in the mirror for so long that you’re like, “Whoa! That’s not my face! This isn’t real!” Hasn’t that ever happened to you?
Intern: No. That’s usually when I stop drinking.
900 2nd Street NE
Washington, DC
Student walking into class late: The bad news is, I am late. The good news is that my intramural football team won the championship.
Professor: What is your team’s name?
Student: The Jack Bauers.
Professor: Is that the guy from 24? I can’t get into that show…
Student: Because you hate freedom?
Capital University Law School
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: captain awesome
Office monkey #1: I am so mad at John. I just scheduled three meetings for him on Thursday morning. Don't ask me how I pulled that rabbit out of my ass!
Office monkey #2: Wow…where'd you get the expression “pulling a rabbit out of your ass?”
Office monkey #1: Because pulling a rabbit out of a hat is easy!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Wondering how to pull a rabbit out…
