Sales person: Hmmm… Are you doing the billing today since Sherry* is out?
Trainee: I’m going to try.
Sales person: Well, don’t mess up my billing or I’ll kick your ass.
Trainee: Promise?
Sales person: Oh, yes.
Trainee: My pain is your pleasure.
Sales person: You and I will get along fine.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Man: Was this in DC?
Woman: No! It was in Maryland, where I live! Right behind my condo building! I was so upset!
Man: Huh.
Woman: If I had a gun, I tell you what: I would have shot him as he was running away. I was so upset. The little bitch would have been dead. [She exits the elevator] Have a blessed day!
5600 Fishers Lane
Rockville, Maryland
Estimator: We’re going to sit on their heads until they shit nickels.
8531 Marginal Way
Seattle, Washington
Female coworker #1: Is that a cucumber you just pulled out of your desk drawer?
Female coworker #2: Yeah, Connie gave it to me yesterday. So watch out: today is “beat people with a cucumber day”, so if you piss me off I'm gonna hit you with my cucumber.
Female coworker #1: Wait… Why did Connie give you a cucumber?
Female coworker #2: She had it at her desk yesterday and was having some fun with it. Then she got tired of it, so she gave it to me.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: WD40
Project Manager: He needs to step into my office. The office of my fist. If he messes with my developer one more time, I’m gonna drop him like a bad habit. And by “drop” I mean “drop kick”. And by “bad habit” I mean “communist hobo”.
1375 Peachtree Street NE
Atlanta, Georgia
Male developer #1: Alright, sugar tits.
Male developer #2: If you ever call me ‘sugar tits’ again, I’m going to rip your nipples off.
Male developer #1: Okay, dumpling butt.
State and Water Streets
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: only girl in an office of men…
Exec: I’ll be right back, so don’t lock me out.
Cleaning lady: If I knew who the hell you were, maybe I’d consider it.
Exec: I’m the reason you have a job.
725 East 40th Street
Holland, Michigan
Overheard by: INTERN
Female coworker on phone: If he doesn't get that dishwasher off the deck I'm going to go out and take a sledgehammer to his truck.
Woburn, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Blazer & Blue Jeans
City worker #1: So what’d you do?
City worker #2: I told him I’d bust that muthafucka up straight up.
City worker #1: No doubt.
393 Lewis Avenue
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Mohammed
Boss: If he does that I’m going to go down there and beat the fucking crap out of him. They will have to call the cops just to refrain me.
120 Broadway
New York, NY
Overheard by: Training Sherpa
