Insurance salesman: Now, you can only die once, but you can become disabled many times.
Florida
Insurance salesman: Now, you can only die once, but you can become disabled many times.
Florida
Sales person: Hmmm… Are you doing the billing today since Sherry* is out?
Trainee: I’m going to try.
Sales person: Well, don’t mess up my billing or I’ll kick your ass.
Trainee: Promise?
Sales person: Oh, yes.
Trainee: My pain is your pleasure.
Sales person: You and I will get along fine.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Man: Was this in DC?
Woman: No! It was in Maryland, where I live! Right behind my condo building! I was so upset!
Man: Huh.
Woman: If I had a gun, I tell you what: I would have shot him as he was running away. I was so upset. The little bitch would have been dead. [She exits the elevator] Have a blessed day!
5600 Fishers Lane
Rockville, Maryland
Estimator: We’re going to sit on their heads until they shit nickels.
8531 Marginal Way
Seattle, Washington
Female coworker #1: Is that a cucumber you just pulled out of your desk drawer?
Female coworker #2: Yeah, Connie gave it to me yesterday. So watch out: today is “beat people with a cucumber day”, so if you piss me off I'm gonna hit you with my cucumber.
Female coworker #1: Wait… Why did Connie give you a cucumber?
Female coworker #2: She had it at her desk yesterday and was having some fun with it. Then she got tired of it, so she gave it to me.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: WD40
Project Manager: He needs to step into my office. The office of my fist. If he messes with my developer one more time, I’m gonna drop him like a bad habit. And by “drop” I mean “drop kick”. And by “bad habit” I mean “communist hobo”.
1375 Peachtree Street NE
Atlanta, Georgia
Male developer #1: Alright, sugar tits.
Male developer #2: If you ever call me ‘sugar tits’ again, I’m going to rip your nipples off.
Male developer #1: Okay, dumpling butt.
State and Water Streets
Peoria, Illinois
Overheard by: only girl in an office of men…
Exec: I’ll be right back, so don’t lock me out.
Cleaning lady: If I knew who the hell you were, maybe I’d consider it.
Exec: I’m the reason you have a job.
725 East 40th Street
Holland, Michigan
Overheard by: INTERN
Female coworker on phone: If he doesn't get that dishwasher off the deck I'm going to go out and take a sledgehammer to his truck.
Woburn, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Blazer & Blue Jeans
City worker #1: So what’d you do?
City worker #2: I told him I’d bust that muthafucka up straight up.
City worker #1: No doubt.
393 Lewis Avenue
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Mohammed
