Voice on phone: Hi. I just wanted to ask if you’re open today?
Employee: No, we’re not. I just thought it would be fun to come over here on my free day. That it?
Voice on phone: … Well, that was rude [hangs up].
Cell phone store
Kansas City, Missouri
PETCO employee: All of the employees here love the wee wee pads. We use them all the time!
PETCO
San Rafael, California
Overheard by: Housetrained
Technician #1 to technician #2: When the boss asked me where I was at on the calibration I just thought to myself: “If I stand here very quiet and don’t respond maybe he’ll forget he asked me”.
Avionics Shop, Washington
Employee #1: Do we have any Band-Aids in the back?
Manager, after long pause: Uh…I don’t think so.
Employee #2: Oh, Susan* said we did. I need one.
Manager: Um…I’m pretty sure we don’t, but I’ll look.
After disappearing in the back for 5 minutes, manager comes back out to the register.
Employee #1: So there were none back there?
Manager: Nope.
Employee #2: I’m sure there are some. Not even in the first aid kit?
Manager, after another long pause: Oooh! Band-Aids! I thought you said, “Mayonnaise”!
Victoria’s Secret
New Mexico
Man: I’m going to get my thing cauterized. [Pause] Not my thing, but my thing.
Primark Eastbourne
United Kingdom
Customer: I would like to complain about the woman who works here. She was very rude to me for no reason, even yelling, and then made me leave.
Clerk: Are you the guy who was walking around naked?
Customer: Oh…ah, well… [Leaves quickly]
Porn store
Bozeman, Montana
Employee #1: She turned around and said to the supervisor, “She just yelled at me.” I was like, “I didn’t yell at you!” I said it in front of the supervisor, but I didn’t care. I didn’t yell at her…That’s how people get locked up! People saying you did things you didn’t do. That’s how you go to jail.
Employee #2: Um, yeah.
130 East 59th Street
New York, New York
Rite Aid employee #1: My friend died last year, he was really sick, it was sad.
Rite Aid employee #2: Yeah man, my friend from high school recently passed away too.
Rite Aid employee #3 (in a Dominican accent): Yeah, that happened to my friend too. Actually, he did not die. Someone killed him.
Rite Aid
New York, New York
Overheard by: Marie Ziskin
Sales rep to customer on phone: Of course the pupils are going to be shaped differently than that of a human…
Owings Mills, Maryland
Overheard by: widget
Customer: What’s the difference between fiction and nonfiction? I always forget.
Dumbfounded coworker: Ummmm, nonfiction is true and fiction isn’t.
Next customer. . .
Coworker: Hi, do you need help?
Customer: Yeah, are we on the east coast or the west coast?
Dumfounded coworker: east coast [rolls eyes].
Customer: Then why do you sell books on west coast birds?
Angry manager: Because people like to go on vaction to bird watch.
Customer: That’s stupid. I don’t even know why my wife wants to look at these stupid birds anyway.
Angry manager to dumbfounded coworker: It’s gonna be one of those days, isn’t it?
Dumbfounded coworker: Yeah, all the retards are out tonight.
425 Jerico Turnpike
Syosset, New York
