Boss: You're out smoking again? I thought you were quitting?
Assistant: I start taking the Chantix tomorrow morning, smoke for a week and throw the cigarettes away and double the dose.
Boss: Okay, can I give you shit for it?
Assistant: All you want, I'll be a complete bitch and make your life hell.
Boss on intercom: Everyone, you have the next 2 months off: assistant is going to be a bigger bitch than usual.
Fountain Valley, California
Cashier to saleswoman holding a box of sweets: Hey! Why didn't I get a box of sweets?
Saleswoman: Because your title isn't “manager”. He gets a hug, and maybe a little pinch on the tushy.
Bedford, New York
Overheard by: Black Friday Shopper
Chief petty officer: So, you’re saying the reservists can shoot themselves?
Training officer: Yes, but only with supervision.
Barboursville, West Virginia
Cubicle worker #1, slamming something on desk: A big cockroach just crawled across my desk.
Cubicle worker #2: Yeah, these were the desks with the roach problem.
Cubicle worker #1: Roach problem?
Cubicle worker #2: It's all Mindy's fault.
Arlington, Texas
Boss: I need her strapped to her desk with a phone in her ear at all times… I need her making money.
41 East 11th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Cubicle drone to another: Your desk gets jacked so much, I stopped stealing from you. That's how bad it is.
Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Peon: So, why did you come in if you're sick?
Sick secretary: I came in because my boss needed me.
Peon (looking around office): But he's not even here!
Sick secretary (grimly): Oh, he's here. Believe me. He's here. He's definitely here.
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: hope he's not here
Attorney to departing secretary: If I had known you get cake when you leave, I would have quit years ago!
Indiana
Overheard by: If only we'd known sooner…
Receptionist #1: Is tomorrow your last day?
Receptionist #2: Yes.
Receptionist #1: Good.
Park Place
Cardiff University, United Kingdom
Overheard by: stranded_in_UK
Boss: Do you live to give me shit everyday?
Employee: No, but that's a great question!
Boss: Alright, let's just put our cards on the table.
Employee: Can you beat a full house?
Bellevue, Washington
