Office Politics

1PM Lunch

Worker #1: Today was like International Day at McDonalds this morning. Not one person spoke with a Midwest accent…I was gonna be like, “Oh, they are so fucking up my breakfast.”
Worker #2: Did you hear that there are more terrorists in Ohio?
Worker #1: Yeah? First they want to blow up our malls here in the city, now kill the President. They are always in Ohio. You never hear about them in like, Montana. That’s where the Nazis are.
Worker #3: Yeah, the terrorists are up there on the 4th floor…You should go up there.
Worker #2: I’m not going up there.
Worker #1: They do have a nice floor up there.

1 Easton Oval
Columbus, Ohio

We Prefer “Like a Baby on a Cobra“

Guy on video conference: I’ll be on it like a pit bull on a third grader.

55 Water Street
New York, New York

Overheard by: Mickey the Intern

Really Brings Me Back to My Gay Orgy Days…

Coworker to another: We're a fucking team here, asshole!

The Woodlands, Texas

Overheard by: Jeremy

The Privilege of Rank

Boss: The thought of it makes me want to throw up, so I thought I’d give it to you.

Wausau, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Gee, Thanks

And Go Out for Drinks?

Cube dweller #1: How are we going to put this proposal together?
Cube dweller #2: We're going to screw it!

Woodbury, New York

3PM Coffee Break

Co-worker #1: Hey, what did you last night?
Co-worker #2: I wanted to watch Joey last night but the President was on. Every time I turn on the TV anymore, it’s hurricane this and hurricane that. Makes me wish the hurricane never happened!
Co-worker #1: …I think Joey was on later in the night.
Co-worker #2: Damn it!

500 Eldorado Boulevard
Broomfield, Colorado

Ooooh, “Whores”.

Secretary to boss: What? The legal department is corporate?

Manhattan, New York

Grab That Riding Crop and I'll Show You

Girl coworker to old fashioned receptionist: Hey, I think you should remind Mike* that it's his week to do kitchen duty.
Old fashioned receptionist: I don't think I can do that. Men shouldn't have kitchen duty.
Girl coworker: But he's the bottom.
Old fashioned receptionist: What's a bottom?

Washington, DC

I'll Do My Best to Live Up to That. Now

Boss: You're out smoking again? I thought you were quitting?
Assistant: I start taking the Chantix tomorrow morning, smoke for a week and throw the cigarettes away and double the dose.
Boss: Okay, can I give you shit for it?
Assistant: All you want, I'll be a complete bitch and make your life hell.
Boss on intercom: Everyone, you have the next 2 months off: assistant is going to be a bigger bitch than usual.

Fountain Valley, California

And Sometimes a Boob-Squeeze As a Holiday Bonus

Cashier to saleswoman holding a box of sweets: Hey! Why didn't I get a box of sweets?
Saleswoman: Because your title isn't “manager”. He gets a hug, and maybe a little pinch on the tushy.

Bedford, New York

Overheard by: Black Friday Shopper

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