Accounts manager (shouting): This is our biggest sales event of the year! This is going to be bigger than ever! Big! Big! Big!
Accounts clerk: Does that mean I should get an extra roll of nickels at the bank?
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Coworker: Hey dude, that's how I'm going to make my money. Cat exercise equipment.
Marshfield, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Mikaela
Employee: She owed $1,000 for her electric bill and somehow paid it. I asked her how she pulled it off, and all she would say is “we have our ways.” I assume it was something illegal.
Supervisor: Well… How illegal are we talking here? If it's a felony, never mind; but if it's just misdemeanor stuff, maybe we can get other people on the wagon.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Should probably leave legal advice to the experts…
Girl #1: Ummm, we need to make copies, and we don’t want to spend a lot of money.
Student worker: The copier over there is 10 cents, same as everywhere on campus.
Girl #1: That’s so expensive!
Student worker: You could also scan the papers and print them out. That’s free.
Girl #1: What do you mean?
Student worker: Ummm, you can put them on the scanner, hit ‘Scan,’ and then when they pop up, hit ‘Print.’
Girl #1: I don’t know about this whole scanning thing — it sounds really complicated.
Girl #2: But that sounds better than making copies. I mean, we only need 12, and I don’t want to spend 12 dollars.
Campus library, Bemidji State University
Bemidji, Minnesota
Woman to coworker: And I was like, “Whatever, you don't pay my bills!” (pause) Well, actually, he pays all of my bills.
Buffalo, New York
Boss: This is not an interactive meeting, so no feedback of any kind. Every customer who gives a commitment today will get a $350 Home Depot giftcard. This is only until the end of business today.
Loan Officer: But I got a customer commitment yesterday. Can I tell her that we will send her one?
Boss: Didn’t I just say that this meeting is not interactive? I won’t answer your stupid questions.
Loan Office: …So what’s the answer?
The boss storms out.
Loan Officer: I’ll just ask him later.
2700 Westchester Avenue
Purchase, New York
Income auditor guy: I want to buy my fiance a gift like make-up.
Income auditor gal: Cool, how much you set for it?
Income auditor guy: 30 Egyptian pounds.
Income auditor gal: You could buy a blusher with 30 EGP.
Income auditor guy: Well then, how about cheap make-up?
Income auditor gal: You can’t buy anything with 30 EGP.
Income auditor guy: Well how much do you think I need?
Income auditor gal: About 500 EGP to buy her one of those cute boxes that’s full of make-up and perfumes.
Income auditor guy: With 500 EGP, I could send her to a plastic surgeon and get change.
Translated from the Arabic.
Le Meridien Makadi Bay Hotel
South Hurghada, Egypt
Fat bank manager: I need to leave a deposit right on your lap.
Hot teller: Oh, dear lord.
Fifth Third Bank
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Boss: Our donor, Mr smith, has been very generous with his wife. (muffled giggles from rest of room) Err…Mr smith and his wife have both been very generous. (room collapses into laughter)
Oxford
England
Overheard by: Mazzarina
CEO, during meeting: Okay, that will wrap it up. Does anyone have anything else?
Manager: I just want everyone to know that I won't be around this weekend because my ex-wife told the kids they won't be having any fun this summer because she doesn't have any money. I am going to pick them up and try and let them have fun. So if you need me I won't be around.
(all room is silent)
CEO: Okay, then does anyone have anything else today?
Manhattan, New York
