Assistant #1: Do you know what they used to use to get the color in red velvet cake?
Assistant #2: Blood?
Assistant #1: No. Beets.
Assistant #2: That's disgusting.
Supervisor: Compared to your guess?
Sacramento, California
Assistant #1: Do you know what they used to use to get the color in red velvet cake?
Assistant #2: Blood?
Assistant #1: No. Beets.
Assistant #2: That's disgusting.
Supervisor: Compared to your guess?
Sacramento, California
Manager: One of these days, I'm gonna stuff you with candy… I'm gonna hang you by your toes and beat you like a piñata.
Washington, DC
Middle-aged female suit: Yeah, that place has pretty good sandwiches. Plus, there's someone there I want to fuck.
Colonial Place Office Building
Arlington, Virginia
Butch chick: I read The Lion and the Mouse when I was young! It's a story about how the lion got a thorn in his paw and the mouse helped him remove it, and they became friends.
Normal chick: What a stupid lion, why didn't he just eat the mouse?
Butch chick: It's a story of morality for children! Help someone, be friendly!
Normal chick: So?
Butch chick: You don't eat your friends!
Borders
Melbourne Central
Australia
Overheard by: Incognito
Sales rep, about boss: There's a woman who knows her sausages!
Madison, Wisconsin
Staffer: Oh, great! The water bottles are in!
Executive, opening bottle and sniffing it: It smells like cancer.
38th Street and 8th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Sarah
Coworker #1, dropping summer sausage for lunch: Hey, you want some of my sausage?
Coworker #2: Only if you wash it off first.
Bourbonnais, Illinois
Overheard by: the closet is my office
Office drone: If they had Spam and Slim Jims, martians wouldn't be so short.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Woman in elevator lobby to man: Did you eat peanut butter?
Man: Peanut butter?
Woman: You smell like peanut butter.
Man: Um, I had some hazelnut coffee…
Woman: Oh! Hazelnut coffee!!
(elevator arrives, man gets on elevator, woman remains in lobby)
Man, muttering to self: Peanut butter? Peanut butter?
Los Angeles, California
Tech: I am a guacamole of knowledge into which you may dip the nacho of need.
105 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
