Paralegal: Good afternoon, [Law Firm name]. How may I help you?
Partner: Wow…Wow. You’ve got, like, a 1-900 phone voice. We’re gonna have to take you off the receptionist rotation. Don’t want to give our criminal clients the wrong impression.
600 East Broad Street
Richmond, Virginia
Laywer: So you were locked in a room that had a gas leak?
Client: Yeah. Man, we was trying to get out quick as we could. I mean, if we didn’t make it out when we did, we could’ve been sophisticated!
Lawyer: Asphyxiated?
Client: Whatever.
Public Square
Cleveland, Ohio
Lawyer to client: I'll have to file a motion to do that.
Client: Can't you just call and do that?
Lawyer: No, I'll have to file a motion, like on paper.
Client: Yeah, can't you just do it by phone?
Lima, Ohio
Overheard by: Holy Shit I went to College for this
Lawyer, offering cigarette: Need one?
Non-smoking secretary: I’m gonna need something a lot stronger to deal with you today!
Lawyer, exiting door to smoke: Top, right desk drawer in my office.
Law office
Indiana
White attorney,at deposition: Are there any activities you used to do before the accident that you can no longer do?
Trinidadian woman, 55: I can’t get my freak on anymore.
White attorney, smiling: Remember, I have to report this to a bunch of other white people. How often did you used to freak before the accident?
Trinidadian woman: Oh, I went to dance clubs all the time. Plus I used to go hiking all the time.
White attorney: And by “hiking,” you mean walking on nature trails, right? I mean, that’s not some hip-hop slang, right?
Trinidadian woman: Yeah, just walking up mountains and stuff.
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Lawyer: So, he was all like, “But I’m a cabinet maker.” And I was like, “But what if you were a brain surgeon…”
111 Congress Avenue
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Neither a cabinet maker nor a brain surgeon
Lawyer, about purchasing domain name: Why don't you go through that website. What's it called? Who's your daddy dot com or something?
CEO: I think that's a different kind of website, Brett.
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Receptionist
Lawyer to another: Just so you know, I'm going to make a concerted effort to quit picking my nose.
Louisville, Kentucky
Overheard by: Jeeb
Attorney: I’m so pregnant… My husband always says, ‘Honey, you’re a whale!’ And then I tell him, ‘Shut up! You’re an immigrant!’
Admin: You should really stop saying that to him.
Attorney: Well, he is, and it’s a term of endearment! Like when I call you a dirty whore!
Hackensack, New Jersey
Attorney: I need a [investi]gator for a hand job.
Staff: Ha, ha! You mean a ‘hand delivery’?
South Jefferson Avenue
Springfield, Missouri
Overheard by: Left Lobe
