Teacher: All right, then, so what are some of the languages that influenced the English language?
Student #1: Canadian!
Student #2: You’re dumb. This is Brit Lit… so obviously, British influenced the English language.
4771 Campus Drive
Irvine, California
Telemarketing instructor #1, analyzing recorded call: Does heavy breathing count as “filler language”?
Telemarketing instructor #2: Not at this call center.
Boston, Massachusetts
Saleswoman: Oh, you're also from Iran?
Woman: Yes.
Saleswoman: So do you all speak Islamic?
Miami, Florida
Coworker: Yes, I ordered Italian ice from your menu…Oh, so you don’t have any more Italian ice. Hmmm, what else would I like?…Oh, you don’t have Italian ice, but you have iced tea?…um, what?
1251 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY
Coworker: Hey, Sarah, how's your grammar?
Sarah: My grandma? She died two years ago. Why?
Newcastle
England
Middle management guy: What's shaking?
Indian tech guy: What is shaking? You want me to stop something from shaking?
Middle management guy: No, I…
Indian tech guy: Are you having a technology crisis? Is your desktop vibrating?
Middle management guy: No! How's it going? How are you, is what I'm asking.
Indian tech guy: Oh, I see. I am fine. Is your desktop alright, though?
Middle management guy: Yes, yes. Everything is working. (sighs)
Washington, DC
Coworker at reseller conference: I thought one of the resellers was talking like a pirate, but he was just Australian.
Grapevine, Texas
Overheard by: Chuckles The Porn Star
Female caseworker #1: It was so cute. The one kid wrote, “you are awesome.” but spelled it a-w-s-u-m.
Female caseworker #2, after pause: Wait… was that wrong?
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Tech: You can get a manual off their website.
Supervisor: In English?
Tech: No… But it has pictures!
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Robert
Woman to employee walking by: Almost all these cartons have cracked eggs.
(employee keeps walking)
Woman, muttering: I just thought you might want to know about all these cracked eggs so you could remove them.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: She Didn't Care When I Told Her Either
