Co-worker #1: Will someone please tell me what the fuck is wrong with [Josh]? When he gets up in the morning does he have some kind of funhouse mirror? Does he fucking see Tom Cruise when he looks in the mirror in the morning? Because when I look at him I just see an asshole.
Co-worker #2: Why?
Co-worker #1: He is bullshiting everyone and saying he slept with the new CSR.
Co-worker #2: Does it really matter? She don’t speak English!
2801 Red Lion Road
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Teacher: All right, then, so what are some of the languages that influenced the English language?
Student #1: Canadian!
Student #2: You’re dumb. This is Brit Lit… so obviously, British influenced the English language.
4771 Campus Drive
Irvine, California
Telemarketing instructor #1, analyzing recorded call: Does heavy breathing count as “filler language”?
Telemarketing instructor #2: Not at this call center.
Boston, Massachusetts
Saleswoman: Oh, you're also from Iran?
Woman: Yes.
Saleswoman: So do you all speak Islamic?
Miami, Florida
Coworker: Yes, I ordered Italian ice from your menu…Oh, so you don’t have any more Italian ice. Hmmm, what else would I like?…Oh, you don’t have Italian ice, but you have iced tea?…um, what?
1251 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY
Coworker: Hey, Sarah, how's your grammar?
Sarah: My grandma? She died two years ago. Why?
Newcastle
England
Middle management guy: What's shaking?
Indian tech guy: What is shaking? You want me to stop something from shaking?
Middle management guy: No, I…
Indian tech guy: Are you having a technology crisis? Is your desktop vibrating?
Middle management guy: No! How's it going? How are you, is what I'm asking.
Indian tech guy: Oh, I see. I am fine. Is your desktop alright, though?
Middle management guy: Yes, yes. Everything is working. (sighs)
Washington, DC
Coworker at reseller conference: I thought one of the resellers was talking like a pirate, but he was just Australian.
Grapevine, Texas
Overheard by: Chuckles The Porn Star
Female caseworker #1: It was so cute. The one kid wrote, “you are awesome.” but spelled it a-w-s-u-m.
Female caseworker #2, after pause: Wait… was that wrong?
Norristown, Pennsylvania
Tech: You can get a manual off their website.
Supervisor: In English?
Tech: No… But it has pictures!
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: Robert
