Customer: You did a wonderful job on your Christmas tree!
Boss: Actually, my staff did all the work.
Staff #1: No, you set the tree up.
Boss: Yes, but you added some ornaments.
Staff #1: Only a few, but I fluffed up the branches so I guess I’m the office fluffer.
Cleveland, Ohio
Designer #1: Hey Susan*, did you have a traditional Pearl Harbor celebration?
Designer #2: Yes, I did. I–
Designer #1, interrupting: –Did you make airplane noises on the drive home?
495 Union Avenue
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: one cubicle over
Receptionist: I found out that I can't go to Disney World because I have a paper due that week and I don't want to miss 100 points.
Boss (who is rather overweight and old): That is really too bad but I mean, I'll go in your place.
Receptionist: Only if you get Mickey Mouse ears and go to the castle and have dinner with the princesses.
Boss: Sure. I'll be the best fucking princess those bitches have ever seen!
Bellingham, Washington
Coworker #1: Can you do me a favor?
Coworker #2: Depends. What is it?
Coworker #1: Can you use your vagina to get me a day off?
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Liz
Gay coworker: I don’t dress up for Halloween, it’s against my religion!
Straight coworker: Oh, is that the same religion you consulted when choosing your sexuality?
Dublin, Ohio
Overheard by: Stoopid like a fox
Worker #1: [Sneezes.][Several moments pass.]Worker #2: Oh… Bless you.
Worker #1: Thanks, Merry Christmas.
Los Angeles, California
Batty old receptionist to worker: So what did you do over Thanksgiving weekend?
Worker: Oh, I delivered twins!
Batty old receptionist: Okay…
Worker: I'm a Big Sister with Big Brothers/Big Sisters, and my little sister got pregnant. Guess that means I'm not such a good Big Sister…
Beverly Hills, California
Middle-aged woman: Are you going anywhere for the holidays?
Elderly man, clearly disappointed: No–I'm not up to traveling this year.
Middle-aged woman, excitedly: Good for you! Save those carbon credits!
Penn Quarter
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Jonathan
IT guy #1: What is boxing day, anyway?
IT guy #2: Well, I Wikipedia-ed it and could only gather that it either has to do with killing birds, beating up servant girls, or selling off Christmas stuff nobody wants.
650 Park Avenue
King of Prussia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Dani
Employee: I have to come in on Monday for a training. It's my normal day off, so I might take off Tuesday or Friday instead.
Supervisor: We have the supervisor's retreat on Tuesday, so none of us will be here that day. I'd work then.
Hagerstown, Maryland
