Health & Hygiene

Cougar colleague: It was so embarrassing–I was putting cream on my buns…

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: confused but amused

Ditzy office manager to coworker: I think I just had, what do you call it, a brain hernia…

San Bernardino, California

Overheard by: Mister Chief

Lawyer #1: I have a buddy who wears a surgical mask when he flies.
Lawyer #2: That’s crazy.
Lawyer #1: No it’s not.
Lawyer #3: Wait. That’s not crazy, but I’m crazy for not shaking your hand after you put it down your pants?
Lawyer #1: My hand was outside my underwear!

Constitution Avenue
Washington, DC

20-something girl, handing over papers: These ones are re-do's.
50-something Indian man: Why?
20-something girl: Because they were crying.
50-something Indian man: Oh, boy.
20-something girl: At least no one threw up on us this year.

North Brunswick, New Jersey

Resident: Patient was seen today at his home. He’s still complaining that the beams from Oregon are bothering him, but he said they aren’t affecting him too badly right now. In fact, he said that they don’t affect men too much in general – it’s really women who should be worried about the beams, especially, he said, when they’re aimed at women’s private boxes.
Social worker: Did you just say private boxes?

Psychiatric clinic
Tulsa, Oklahoma

Office assistant: Do you want me to send out the “Save the Date” announcement?
Boss: Yes, thanks. That would be helpful.
Office assistant: No problem! I’m happy to spread your STD around!
Boss: [Blank stare.]Office assistant: That sounded bad. But don’t worry… I’m sure no one heard me.

Point Street
Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: I Thought This Was a Healthcare Company

Nursing home resident, about stuffed cow: Pepper had a baby!
Staff: What's his name?
Resident: Pepper pea!
Staff: How's the baby doing?
Resident: He's peeing everywhere!
Staff: I thought Pepper was a boy.
Resident: He is.
Staff: Then how did Pepper have a baby?
Resident: That's what I'd like to know!

Greenwood, South Carolina

Overheard by: Dana

Male coworker in all-male meeting: I don’t know where Jill* is. She is pregnant. Maybe she’s palpitating.

Spartanburg, South Carolina

Overheard by: Grammatically Stunned

Woman with bandaged finger: Ever since I cut my finger, it’s been so difficult doing stuff…typing, getting dressed, eating…
Woman with missing hand: I can’t even imagine.

1515 Broadway
New York, NY

CEO: A man in my position has a high tolerance for other people’s pain.

110 E. Clayton Street
Athens, Georgia