Coworker #1, reading news headlines: Mother of 550-pound teenager has been charged with neglect.
Coworker #2: That's ridiculous, obviously the kid is well fed.
The Woodlands, Texas
Overheard by: Jeremy
Coworker #1, reading news headlines: Mother of 550-pound teenager has been charged with neglect.
Coworker #2: That's ridiculous, obviously the kid is well fed.
The Woodlands, Texas
Overheard by: Jeremy
Boss, sending a sick employee home: You are so stubborn, I told you not to come in today.
Employee: I didn’t know I was sick, I just thought I didn’t feel good.
Long Beach, California
Concerned office lady: I had a bottle of cranberry juice in the fridge of the cafeteria with my name on it, and it disappeared. The problem is, it was a mixture of cranberry juice and some of my cancer treatment drugs. I hope no one drank it.
Princeton, New Jersey
Overheard by: No Longer Thirsty
Lady on cell: … Yeah, that’s why he wants to keep the urine acidic…
3940 Quebec Avenue
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: Cranberry Juice
Coworker #1: Are the lights in the office flickering?
Coworker #2: No, you're just having a stroke.
Chicago, Illinois
Weight Watchers orator: Does anyone have any good news they’d like to share with us this week?
Fat lady: Yes. I went to my gynecologist for my checkup this week, and he said now that I’ve lost weight, it’s much easier to examine me because now there are fewer folds.
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
First-time father of twins to female coworker: So, when do newborns open their eyes?
Coworker: Um…it's not like kittens, babies are born with their eyes open.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Dea at work
Coworker on phone: Well, we just have to have choices because he is a vegetarian. (pause) Yeah, milk is okay, it's dairy, just no turkey or ham. (pause) Sure, eggs are fine, that's dairy. (pause) Well, I mean, it's fine, it hasn't been born yet!
Charlotte, North Carolina
Co-worker #1: Oh my god, I keep getting the hiccups!
Co-worker #2: Try holding your breath for ten minutes.
2815 Colby Avenue
Everett, Washington
Coworker, discussing why he can't go to lunch: I would fart once in my room on Saturday, and it would totally blow my mind. Then it would proceed to blow everyone else's minds in every other room upstairs. Like, seriously, Joe* was like “did you drop a deuce?” and I was like “no.” Then I proceeded to fart exclusively in the bathroom for the rest of the weekend, and bring a pack of matches too.
Crozet, Virginia
Overheard by: Cube Monkey
