Hence the Old Expression “Hung Like a Texas Grandma”

Peon, to neighbor: At least I know how to spell it. I may not know how to spell totes, but I know how to spell that word.
Boss, interrupting: What do you know how to spell?
Peon: Vasectomy. V-a-s-e-c-t-o-m-y.
Boss: And in what context do you need to spell “vasectomy” in a work e-mail?
Peon: I just wanted to let you guys know what is going on with this dude, he's going to be on the phone a lot today.
Boss: Dude is getting a vasectomy?
Peon, pointing back and forth to her left and right boob: No, his grandma is.
Boss: Yeah, that's not a vasectomy.

Humble, Texas

Posted on November 5, 2014
Body Parts, Bosses, Family, Health & Hygiene, Internet, Questions, Texas, Words

Try Clenching the Other Sphincter

Girl on phone: I’ve been doing kegels for a week and I haven’t pooped. I think I’m doing something wrong.

In front of Hart Senate Building
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Neena

Posted on November 5, 2014
Dumb Employees, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, On the phone, Restroom, Time Management, Washington DC

His Role Model Is Puck from The Real World: San Francisco

Super-hyper guy: If anyone ever saw what I did to my peanut butter, then they definitely wouldn't want it!

Austin, Texas

Posted on November 5, 2014
Employees, Health & Hygiene, Texas, Weirdness

Smells Like Victory Over Death

Old lady to husband as she walks out of doctor's office: Oh, I love to smell that alcohol!

Longwood Ave
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: smellslikemartinis

Posted on November 5, 2014
Couples, Drinking, Health & Hygiene, Massachusetts, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

They Must Work at Another Law Firm

Boss: The funniest thing just happened. I’ve had a banana in my bag for like a month. When I opened my bag a whole bunch of gnats flew out!
Underling: Is that why there are flys all over our windowless office?
Boss: No.

10201 W. Pico Boulevard
Los Angeles, California