Matronly office drone: The internet keeps playing games; it keeps going down on me. (pause) Wait, that sounds bad.
Bellevue, Washington
Matronly office drone: The internet keeps playing games; it keeps going down on me. (pause) Wait, that sounds bad.
Bellevue, Washington
Broker #1: Ok, here’s one: would you rather lick the bulge on Johnny’s* leg or eat the skin that Peter* peeled off his foot last year?
Broker #2: As sick as this sounds, I’d take Johnny’s bulge in a second. I had to sit next to Peter. His foot had a crack in it so deep you could stick a pencil in it.
440 South LaSalle
Chicago, Illinois
Lab tech, during fire evacuation: Paul*, get out of the shade. It’s not in the safety zone.
Paul: But I’m fat. I can’t stand in the sun.
650 Cathill Road
Sellersville, Pennsylvania
Boss: Those are pretty. Who are they from?
Secretary: Myself. Sorry men send flowers. I don’t need any sorry men in my life.
8555 United Plaza Boulevard
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Coworker angrily hanging up: Geez! What is wrong with these customers?! I’m trying to watch a colo-rectal comedy on UTUBE!
2600 Van Buren Street
Norman, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Nina
Coworker, in graphic design lab: Now I have balls in my ass, too!
Utica, New York
Overheard by: dont wanna know
Attorney: A partner just caught me licking yogurt off my sweater.
Clerk: You’re definitely getting another raise.
Attorney: It was right on the boob.
Clerk: Wow, a raise and a bonus. You’re a real go-getter.
717 Madison Place NW
Washington, DC
Front office girl at medical spa, hanging up phone: The client says we are not taking her concerns seriously, and she is going to report us to the Surgeon General.
Ditzy manager: The Surgeon General? But we don't have anything to do with smoking!
Front office girl, under her breath: I can't believe I have to report to you.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Overheard by: OMG The IQ level here is amazing
Sales guy: How can you sit like that? It’s disgusting.
Information specialist: I have weak ankles. I’m sorry I disgust you.
Sales guy: You don’t disgust me, just the way you sit. Besides, you’re always making fun of my women.
Information specialist: Say, do you have one of those auto-lifts in your bedroom?
Sales guy: I see what you’re saying. Because I like big women.
Information specialist: I mean, in case you get pinned or something.
Sales guy: Funny thing is, I know how to maneuver one of those, from a previous job.
Information specialist: I’ll take that as a yes.
Washington DC
Nurse: People just keep calling me and calling me about getting pain pills called in. They just need to be a little sauced up — then they’d be fine!
14100 Parkway Commons Drive
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
